Posted by: nastypen | December 1, 2008

A Masseur With a Sixth Sense

After my meeting, I was almost screaming for help.  Veklurva enticed me to wait for him and have a night at the spa.  I was left with a choice between go home and finish reading The Lives of the Saints or I could go to Quezon City and heed Veklurva’s invitation.  I guess the saints can wait. 

Veklurva has been egging me to join him at his favorite spa.  His treat!  He has promised me this since last year but I always demured.  Lately, I wanted to tear off my goatee from stress.  So, I relented.

Now, I occasionally go to reflexology places because I just want my feet massaged.  Body massage?  Haven’t had that in ages.  But, Veklurva insists that I tryout his masseur.  Ok, keep you mind out of the gutter, it is not that type of place…

I actually want to have a good old bout with Swedish massage.  So, I agreed.  But I am not one to go to those saunas.  So, Veklurva booked me a VIP room with my own bath.  The last time I went into the non-VIP segment, I had to sashay into the showers with other naked men.  I tried not to look scandalized as these men were talking about a stupid basketball game as they were washing their gonads.  Well, of course, I am a reincarnation of Maria Clara, I went in the jacuzzi with a bathrobe on much to surprise of the men!  My mother would be so proud of me.

So, the VIP room….

On the onset, I didn’t like the vibes of the room.  It was clean, had a great bathroom, had shorts and a bathrobe that fit me, but I just did not feel at ease.

When Veklurva’s masseur came in, me and my rolls of fat lay face flat on the massage bed, the one with the hole fr the face and he proceeded to knead the stress away.  At one point, I raised my head to one corner and the masseur stopped and asked in Tagalog, “Is everything ok, sir?”  I just grunted ok and said I thought somebody was looking at me.

The masseur said, “Oh, you see him too?  Don’t worry, he means you no harm.”

He then proceeded to say that he felt that I can see them.  He does, too.  I told him I don’t really see them, I just feel them.  The masseur just said, “That’s good, because they are just walking by the different rooms and halls.”

They?!  As in plural?!?!

Christ.  Almighty.  Save.  Me.  Now.  Where is my copy of The Lives of the Saints to ward off the ghosts when I need it?

The masseur then asked, “Sir, do you get unexplained headaches?”  I said “Not exactly.”  He said that he gets a  massive headache when somebody is in a room with a human bone in his pocket.

Why on earth would anyone keep a human bone in your pocket as an amulet is beyond me, I mean I have my Buddha beads for good luck.  I don’t think I can handle when I have a metatarsal in my pants.

He then heaved my elephantine limbs and said that he would occasionally sleep in the spa if ever there’s a situation tat will prevent him from going home.  He would walk across the floors with no lights on but “I am never alone.”  He said that every building in Manila has ghosts so this is not a big deal.

He patted my back and said “I don’t talk about this with my other clients.”  Great.  I feel so special.  I did feel great after the massage.  Then he left me in the room and I was just lying about and I know there is somebody looking at me from that corner.  I got out of the room and saw that I was beside a stock room.  Great.  Prime ghost location.

So, I had to shower fast and it is creepy because the mirror started fogging and something told me not to risk it becoming obscured that I had to wipe it eventually.

I told Veklurva his masseur is great.  Although, next time I’m there, I would just try to choose the room first.

Great.  It’s 2:44am, my body is relaxed but I cannot sleep.



  1. “Where is my copy of The Lives of the Saints to ward off the ghosts when I need it?” hahahaha! you are so hilarious! you make coming to work bearable!

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