A Brush With Mortality

(Originally typed October 13, 2008)

So, I was at the Emergency Ward at Makati Med. Something happened to me earlier that really freaked me out. When the doctor checked my chart and asked what I do for a living. I told her I teach. She sighed, “Kaya naman pala.” (No wonder)

Earlier, I was at a Makati coffee shop and was calculating my students’ grades, then I heard buzzing and became momentarily deaf. And I felt lightheaded and the world was closing in on me. I took off my glasses, closed my eyes for a minute and hoped that I don’t faint because no stranger no matter how kind will really help me to the hospital.

After that episode, I packed up my stuff and headed for the hospital. I was controlling my breathing because I do not want to panic.

When I reached Makati Med, I quietly went up to a group of personnel and said, “I think I’m going to have a stroke today.”  The nurses rushed and checked my blood pressure. It was high but not critical. She told me to wait for the doctor. I was made to wear this:

I was staring at it for a long time because it has been more than two decades since I wore this kind of “bracelet.”

My friends were texting me asking me how I was. I was thinking, “Is this it for me? Will I die? Well, at least if I fall down dead or dying, I’m at the hospital already where they have orderlies to haul me. Better yet, Makati Med has some construction nearby; so they can use the forklift for me.”

I was pretty freaked out because truth be told, I want to submit my students’ grades before anything gets worse for my part. I was thinking of contingency plans if ever I go slide into the grips of sweet relaxing death. I was composing letters to close friends who can access my laptop and my students’ grades. Just in case I die at least my students won’t be irritated that they don’t have their grades.

Of course, it was not THAT serious. I was just “entertaining” myself with morbid thoughts and make fun of myself. I was thinking of telling my students to talk to me via spirit in the glass or Ouija board.

The doctor told me I had an episode of periphery vertigo. She gave me medication against dizziness and even prescribed some pills that will zonk me out and not be bothered by my neighbor’s braying with karaoke.

She said this is most likely from stress and exhaustion.

She asked me if I was stressed out recently. I was stumped. I didn’t know what to say. she went on and on about how I should just relax and pay no mind to the “pasaway” students.

I’m just disturbed that I have vertigo. Damn it, that means I can never be a stewardess.

But I shouldn’t worry about vertigo. The point of this is not to worry much. Friends have sent me messages on how to life a healthy life. One friend wanted to come over and slap me for my text that I worry that some students won’t be able to complete their requirements. She shrilled, “Is that your problem?”

Thank God I am almost over with my grades. As in 80%. I can submit them two to three days from now but I will receive dagger looks from other teachers. So, I will just submit it at the specified date from the administration.

And I am due to leave Manila for a spell. And you know what is so funny? A friend of mine told me scant minutes before my almost fainting spell, “Be concerned. Don’t worry.”

I’m over that. I’m just making plans for some down time. Soon, bitches. Sooooooooooon………