Posted by: nastypen | May 25, 2008

That “S” Word

Let’s talk about “Sex.”  This is a true story. Let’s call him Santi. He’s an officemate of a friend of mine in a massive multinational company. He’s my age. He graduated from one of the top universities of the country (No, not UP). Once, he was at Watson’s in Gateway Cubao. he saw a packet of chocolates. He was astounded at the cheap price. He raked the packets all in. He went to the cashier with arms full of those goodies. He noticed people were staring at him queerly. the cashier bluntly asked him in Tagalog, “Sir, where will you use all of these?” Santi said he will eat all of these. Turns out that those packets of chocolates were sachets of chocolate-flavored condoms.

For a man my age not to recognize condoms and who is educated sheds light on our sexual ignorance. Or he should be slapped for not reading the packaging thoroughly.

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Is it a good thing that the designers made the packaging of the condom look like something edible and fun like those colorful chocolates aimed at children?

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Now, why on earth would the cashier be asking “where will you use all of these?” Intrusive, much?

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Had it been me who knowingly purchased those chocolate-flavored condoms and some mousy cashier will be asking what am I going to do with it, I’ll simply say, “Something your mom and dad should have done before they conceived you.”

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The first condom I purchased was for a photography plate in Fine Arts. I am proud to say that I used the condom for art! Yeah, I know, I blogged about that before, but I am so proud of that.

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I was a minor then and the condoms were to be asked from the pharmacists. there were no condoms in convenience stores then. I remember the look of utter contempt from the lady pharmacists when I asked “Do you have the biggest sized condoms here?”

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I did not lower my voice asking that pharmacist for a condom. I said it in a manner similar of me ordering a cheeseburger. The man next to me eyed me as if I were a whore. And I LIKED it! It seems at that point in time and space people’s perception of me was more interesting than the truth.

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Depending on how you look at it, youth is “fortunate” these days. Counting on technophobe parents, people can just surf through the internet for pornography. Yep, like that song goes….the internet IS for porn.

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I still remember the time in Grade 6 when I brought an issue of Playboy with me to school. I was supposed to barter it for a Ghostbuster toy. Yes, that Playboy was mine. It was given by a relative thinking that I will become straight at mere possession of one. I decided against the barter when my classmates flocked to me telling me that they will do ANYTHING if I could just lend them the copy. I felt like Marilyn Monroe. *Sigh* boys are just too easy sometimes…..

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I still remember that Playboy issue. It had such lovely black and white photography. It wasn’t at all smutty…unlike my uncle’s collection of Italian porn to which he stupidly hid inside the closet where I keep my Legos.

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It was my mother who bought this Sex Education book by the invincible Dr. Ruth Westheimer (I LOVE THIS WOMAN!) It was written for teenagers. My mother read it from cover to cover. With markers at hand, she highlighted sections she deemed important for us to read. It was color-coordinated. My sisters got the magenta marker, mine was the neon green.

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Sex education in school was fun. It was fun for me watching my classmates hoot like drunk monkeys and flailing their arms wanting to contribute their “knowledge” of the carnal arts to the permissive teacher wanting the students’ adoration. I smiled and thought of nipple clamps. I bet some of my former classmates do not know what these are right now.

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The other day, I found myself browsing through the Book Sale shelves across RCBC Plaza in Makati. I gasped to find that they had a collection of “Pillow Books.” I bought one about The Japanese Art of Love because I am a fan of Japanese woodcut printing. I bought it for 75 pesos.

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I remember seeing these pillow books back in the 90s Goodwill Bookstore in Glorietta. They had one about The Art of Gay Love. It featured actual paintings of homoerotica and some poems. I wanted to buy a copy then but it was more important for me to complete the X-Men: Age of Apocalypse issues.

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No, Book Sale did not have a copy of that Gay book. There was a copy of Aphrodisiacs and Lesbian Love. I thought I needed my 75 pesos more for taxi rides around Makati.

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Responses

  1. The last male condom I bought I got from a vending machine inside a toilet of a UN agency (in RCBC towers too ‘Se ).

    It was packed in rather staid silver foil and affordable at only 5 pesos. Your friend would not have mistook it for chocolates. Amoxycillin maybe.

    By the way, the row for female condoms was empty.

  2. complete AGe of Apocalypse?!
    shet. hanggang vol.2 lang ako

    Kung tutuusin, hindi ako mahihirapan kumuha ng condom noon dahil may pharmacy kami. Kaso hindi talaga ako into these things.

    Magmomovie nalang ako. Hahaha Celibate daw oh!

  3. hmmm…yeah i even saw condoms in the vendo machine on the Ladies ‘ restroom…if the guys will not buy it then the girls will

  4. one time sa watsons SM Makati. bumili ako ng condom and lub.. yung mga girls sa tabi ko nakatingin sa akin.. nasa isip ko na lng..”fuck them.. im getting laid tonight” hahaha btw so what happened kay “santi’? binili ba nya yung condoms? hehe

  5. fifi!!! hay nakoh!!! binalik nya ang mga condoms at sabay walk out na parang takbo ng snatcher!!!!

  6. “Something your mom and dad should have done before they conceived you.”

    Nasty! Lovesit! 🙂

    I’m panic-reading your blog entries and they’re too good!

  7. Hello, Christine. I’m glad you like some of my entries. Thanks for the kind words 🙂


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