Posted by: nastypen | May 19, 2008

Butch and the Bitch

Butch. MC called me that. And she isn’t the first one. Some friends say that for all my shrill, I still got a pretty lock down on being “a guy.” It’s not because I like women. It’s just that sometimes my aesthetics and preferences veer toward the masculine. Like I do not find Will and Grace funny. When I get the chance, I enjoy watching Ultimate Fighting Challenge.

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I don’t watch Gossip Girl much to the surprise of people.

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Christiane Amanpour is my ideal woman.

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I don’t like cocktails. I freaking adore Red Horse. Any drink with cutesy name and neon color is shit for me. Bring me the bucket of red horse and watch me guzzle and burp.

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I may be the only homosexual who is not looking forward for Sex and the City….because that TV series bores me. I watched the entire run of The Sopranos. I enjoy listening to Italian gangsters talking smack rather than the pathetic meanderings of single woman who cannot make up her fucking mind.

When my friends were assigning themselves particular Sex and The City characters, guessed who was Miranda Hobbes? Yes. Me. She’s the only character I like. One out of four is not good enough for me to watch this parade of frivolity and beauty tips.

Fans of the show will say that these are modern empowered women. “Empowered?!” Aren’t most of these stories of women who constantly hide their fear of being alone? I’m sorry but I think the show has more shoes than brain cells.

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My sister forced me to join her as she trooped about in Rustan’s for a good find. I was bored in 47.3 seconds.

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Ian of Sebastian’s Ice Cream fame asked me for some ideas of ice cream flavors to coincide with the Sex and the City movie. I am not a fan of the movie nor the series so I wasn’t quite helpful. I told him to name Sarah Jessica Parker flavor “The Pony-faced Express.” Hey one of my most favorite websites call her “My Little Pony Parker.”

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Then there’s Jennifer Hudson in the movie for the token fat black girl character. Ugh. I think history will say that she is going to be one of Oscar’s greatest mistakes. Like Rocky winning over Taxi Driver. Hudson did not sing in Dream Girls. She bellowed.

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Oh, I read a comment about Sex and The City made by some lady:

you must think women are the biggest idiots of the planet to follow everything they see on TV. The job of the writers of Sex and the City is to tell a story. Not preach morality and give women prescriptive theories on how they should live their lives.

I know what she means. Ever since that show became popular, I see all these women striving to be Carrie with their pointless columns in newspapers and anemic blogs. But I like this one comment the best:

She (Carrie Bradshaw) wore short skirts all the time–she’s so empowered! Yeah except the whole show revolves around her being a doormat to some rich guy and the series ends with her getting together with him. The message for women? Just hang around long enough and that man who really doesn’t love you will change his mind. So true!

wahahahahahahahhahaha. This is why I love The Sopranos. Their message is quite clear: Guns don’t kill people, people mired in a macho-laden secret society propagated for generations with colorful language kill people who owe them money, betray them and simply think they don’t deserve to exist. None of those grating thoughts on singlehood and dating.

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Batman: The Dark Knight! Please please please please please please when will you show up?!?! Please please please!!!

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Do you get aroused by this?:

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If that’s sexy then I’d rather be a Golden Girl….

Bitch knows what is fierce……

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I’d still buy Ian’s Sex and the City flavors because I know they will be great.  God, I’m having a craving for some ice cream now…..

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Recently, I bought two pints of Sebastian’s Ice Cream: White Chocolate Macademia and the one with the Malteasers. Thank goodness the branches are so far from me, I’d get addicted. Ian brought me a sample for his take on the very traditional Double Dutch. Bitch, you know I’m a convert.

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A friend asked me if I’m getting a car because of my driving lessons. I joked “I might.” He asked “What kind of car? What engine?” I said, “I want something orange.”

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Some people said I look butch driving. That’s because you have to scare the other drivers in Metro Manila.

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Driving lessons are ok. I still suck at parking. My “hanging” skills need massive improvement. But I got the “glare” perfectly. One SUV wanted to cut me in an intersection, I floored it, he stopped, I passed and slowed down and glared at the motherfucker’s face. The driving instructor laughed nervously.

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I will only go to malls with valet parking.

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I think I will die in a road-related accident in Manila.

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My sister, Rovi and I hailed a cab. One woman wanted to steal it and I yelled, “I will cut a bitch if our taxi is stolen!!!” The woman froze. You wouldn’t want to go up against a bitch who is also a butch.

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