Posted by: nastypen | April 11, 2008

Where the Hell is My Tooth Fairy?!

So, I just had my impacted tooth removed.

Removed. sounds very easy and harmless like picking on a scab. Of course, it was hardly the case. I hurt my fingers throughout thee three-hour ordeal. I was clasping my hands tightly; so much so I almost cut off circulation from my fingers.


After the operation, I felt I was back in elementary after having myself roughed up by bullies. The surgeon was fantastic, though. She was calm as she broke that infernal tooth into pieces. Ok, maybe “broke” is harsh. She sectioned that tooth and took them out.

They thought that it would be a standard procedure until they did a secondary x-ray as I lay there blood gushing forth. They found out that a root has curved. What the fuck, even my tooth is so gay that the root curved!? They were forced to take a bit of the bone off.

There is a reason why I took Fine Arts and that is why I cannot stand looking at gaping crimson wounds. So, the dentists saw the horror….absolute horror in my eyes….as I saw my blood splattered on their face masks and surgical gloves.

I really hate the sound of drills in close proximity. So there I was listening to my iPod at full blast. The dentist thought I was listening to a game. She thought I was straight because I didn’t really act out due to intense fear of this procedure. I wasn’t listening to a game. Hello. I was listening to audio books by one of my favorite authors Chuck Palahniuk. I thought it was crazy listening to a scene from his novel Invisible Monsters in which he deftly describes one of the characters’ gunshot wound on her side as the drilling started. I should have listened to classical music instead.

I was just WILLING that goddamn tooth to dislodge itself and be done with it. But no. That little fucker hung on to my jaw. The surgeon kept on saying “This is it na” for what it felt like 12 hours and I just wanted to scream running away.

I just thought of people in motor accidents. Mothers giving birth in 13th Century Europe. Hell, i even thought of the account of the execution of Nazi War criminals in Nuremburg. They were hanged and I was convincing myself that I am in a better position as the drill bore through my tooth ravaging my gums.

Now it is over. I slept peacefully in fact. Must because I only slept for an hour the day before the operation from absolute fright. I had a similar extraction ten years ago and it was a disaster. Let’s just say I couldn’t speak as I queued for summer enlistment and when I spoke blood geysers spurted. Some people thought I was dying. So, no, I do not take pleasure in such dental pursuits.

What do I do first thing after I wake up with a major wound?   I watch 1995 classic film Clueless.  It’s one of  the best movies to recuperate to.  I swear I still laugh at this airhead portraiture.  I was feeling fine until I saw my reflection on the computer screen.  There was a cake of dried blood snaking from my cheek to my chin.  So, I just popped in some antibiotics and pain relievers and then watched with glee on that Amy Heckerling masterpiece.

I still recall that I looked and felt really like I was gang raped after the operation.  I was groggy and wanted to cry in a corner when the surgeon took me aside and had a list of post-op things to do.  I must not carry heavy loads, which in my case, walking.  I must not be stressed out.  I must not panic when blood is present.  I must really take a break for at least five days and not do anything strenuous.

As she was telling me all this, I thought of a nice juicy cheeseburger and almost heaved in misery that I cannot eat anything solid for quite some time.  I saw the pieces of my impacted tooth, still crimson with blood and pulped tissue.  Dentists used to give me the tooth as a macabre souvenir.  I asked them to throw the fucker away.

I saw the pieces and I thought of a broken porcelain doll.  I was tired and craving for some carnivore action.  Ok, I must search for comedy films to download.  I saw my dvds and all of them are stress-inducing misery flicks.

I thought of that tooth fairy and how much I am owed after this ordeal.



  1. oooohh booy. your post just scared the living daylights out of me. have to get 2 impacted teeth removed soon lord help me. although im still looking for a darned good dentist who’ll make the experience less terrifying. is that even possible?

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