Posted by: nastypen | January 28, 2008

“How to be Your Husband’s Best Friend”

I found a copy of that book in our library in Cebu. I am sure as hell my father, sisters and I did not buy it. Either my mom bought it in a moment of weakness or someone gave it to her. I was looking for good books to bring home and I saw that copy and started laughing. I handed it to my sister who just got married and this is what she had to say:

If looks could kill, this book should have been thrown to the bonfire.

It was such an experience reading tips on how to be your husband’s best friend, but the list showed that this does not belong to our culture. It is so American, not because it is fiercely independent, but it even has shades of the hideous Betty Crocker school of submission. Plan his fishing trip with his friend? Hello, Brokeback Mountain?

My sister had a headache leafing through the pages because the tips reeked of major compromise on the already-compromised female (what with society pressuring them to junk their names in favor of the husband’s etc).

We were laughing so hard at the tips. I read them, too, because I am a husband who happens to have a husband as well. I aint going to throw no baseball at him! But this one took the cake.

Collective shuddering of our spines! “Dress to honor him?!” What am I, an ornament?! Sure, sure, there will be those people out there who will say that this is correct that by looking good for him, you are being a good partner because you think of the welfare of your husband regarding what other people will think when you are together.

Ergo, if you are with your husband and you look like you just got out of Ward Seven in a hospital, you are being a bad wife that is harmful to your marriage. You wouldn’t want to drag your husband’s ego and libido by looking like you underwent a medical procedure of intrusive surgery 12 seconds ago.

My sisters and I dress fierce. Well, more my sisters but we do it not to honor our partners, it is because we can and we do it. No other reason. To catch attention? Hell no. We just do. We just are. The day we think of what to wear because of what our husbands think and want is the day we lose our light. Our partners know so much that they do not tread on the choices we make in terms of clothes.

I do not subscribe to that subservient shit that you honor him by how you look. that is so parochial and such a trophy wife and not all of us can be happy in shallowness. Shouldn’t you honor him by strength of character? By exhibiting the forceful determination to make this marriage work? By being individual and at the same time a team player? By being able to contribute intelligence and proactive mindsets to the growth of the partnership? Isn’t that more honorable than by the length of your hemline?

Bitch, please! This book should be called “Your Life as a Doormat.”

After my sister’s husband was finished taking a bath, my sister positioned herself in our dad’s old and defanged lion’s chair and lovingly gazed upon his bewildered eyes:

She pressed her dainty hand over his heart and whispered what tip number 194 wants: “You are my knight in shining armor.” His reaction?

Priceless. I tossed the book in a far corner of the book shelf. That book will not be thrown nor given and shall serve as a point of discussion if we need to laugh like coked-up Hyenas in the future.

I want and need to be seen as a partner in a relationship. I am a partner and not a glorified key chain.



  1. tama! that book should be thrown in the abyss haha 🙂 dress to honor him sounds like it was one of the 10 commandments ha. kaloka, never. who cares if women dress like they just woke up, what matters is our brains noh.

    miss you chong! hehe 🙂

  2. ha ha ha
    I hear Bong’s laughter from here!!!!!!!!!

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