Posted by: nastypen | January 21, 2008

Keep the South Dark and Unwanted Pregnancy

Went to that Feng Shui thing over the weekend. Can’t believe people spent good money on trite. It’s like Matrix Reloaded and Matrix Revolutions, the money spent for those films should have gone to cancer research instead and spare us the idiocy.

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The Feng Shui master said we should turn the lights off at the south part of our house to stave off bad luck. The year of the earth rat needs more metal and fire for good luck. She said we should buy gold. Maybe it’s the perfect time to get braces?   

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The Feng Shui master said that the husbands should buy their wives “jhe-weeels” (jewels) for good luck. People fight over the tips for good luck from a person who makes items of luxury sound like diseases?

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People claim that their lives changed because of Feng Shui. I bet one change was the exorbitant cost for kitsch items. Horrid golden money trees for five thousand pesos? Is it that expensive to be tacky these days?

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The Feng Shui master said we shouldn’t buy “fake” charms because bad luck has been placed in the charms. Of course it was a sad proof of some assholes trying to cash in on fear and superstition to fuel the evil of capitalism. Who is to say which is fake or not? The answer: if it’s sold on the sidewalks for fraction of the price=bad; if it’s sold in a hotel for an exorbitant sum=good fortune. Please!!!!

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We were told to turn off the lights at the south wing of your houses. The south is bad luck this year of the rat. What the? What if the south part of your house is a porch overlooking a ravine? Is it good luck to trip in the dark and be dashed into pieces?

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Even the food for the event was bad. Stayed only to get unflattering pictures of the Feng Shui master.

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Addie’s here! Yey. However, he’s in Tagaytay for team building. Boo.

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Saw Sweeney Todd.  Thank God for Helena Bonham Carter because it meant I didn’t waste my money.

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I  watched that movie in Greenbelt.  There’s this girl who kept on screaming when the razor went for the jugular.  She kept burying her head into her boyfriend’s armpit.  If it meant having to go through irritating frail womanly screams, I wished I watched Alvin and the Chipmunks instead.  Jason Lee is a hot bitch, too.

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The blood in Sweeney Todd looked odd.  It had the similar viscosity of the medicine Calpol and the color of rancid Baguio strawberry jam.

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Watched Juno. It was hilarious! Although this isn’t my favorite Ellen Paige movie. I still love her in Hard Candy.  It was pretty funny despite the subject matter of a sixteen-year-old girl getting knocked-up.  Hey pregnancy on the wrong premise is always funny just as long as it’s not my friends nor sisters.

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The movie was written by a lady named Cody Diablo and I could turn lesbian for her.  I saw her at a TV interview ages ago and her glasses and Betty Page-inspired black blunt bangs plus her insights and wit make my heart pitter-patter. I love her and her blog coyly named The Pussy Ranch.  Classy.

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I just love the lines in Juno.  My favorite — now this one, I had to hit pause and laugh out loud for several minutes — when she was asked why she is named Juno.  She mentioned the Roman goddess (Greek counterpart is Hera) who is married to the head god Jupiter (In Greece, this is Zeus):

Juno: My dad had this weird obsession with Roman or Greek mythology or something and he decided to name me after Zeus’ wife.
Man: Zeus’ wife?
Juno: Well, yeah, I mean he got a lot of lays and stuff but this was his wife and supposedly she was beautiful and really mean. Kind of like Diana Ross.

Hand this woman an Oscar nomination now!  I want to be beautiful and really mean!!!!!

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By the way, Cody Diablo worked as a stripper before.  I like that she’s smart, smug and sexy.  Women like her make me wish I was straight.  Ok that wish lasts less than a minute.

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