Posted by: nastypen | January 14, 2008

Where Are You Going?

You say with resignation and inevitability, “I am 30.” Yes, you are. Soon, I shall be, too.

But every time I think of you, I feel I am still 17. …With that thin body forever gone. With that hideous ROTC haircut. With that awkward fear and anticipation of being in UP Diliman. With that disgust of being forced to stay at Kalayaan Residence Hall. With that unhesitant approach to you in that Charlotte Hornets hat and shorts and that bag of Sneakers in one hand. With that bewildered look of yours as I dove into your pile of chocolates before knowing my name. That was 17. This is 30.

Happy birthday, Addie. You grumble about your growing midsection and your hair fighting to cling on the scalp. Yet, I know you have that same twinkle in your eyes as that day when I apologized midway my second chocolate bar for getting your chocolates because I can’t afford them. I just paid for the dorm food that I will hardly eat and spent the remaining allowance on art materials and comics. You were bemused at my wolfing down of chocolates. I remember you giggle as I asked for one…ok…two…fine…three….more chocolates.

Ah that twinkle. Though they will be framed by wrinkles and gray hair, I wish that twinkle in your eyes when you smile will never fade.

We have gone through a lot, have we not? And we know we will go through more. There have been major rifts and wounds inflicted on each other due to divergent personality and choices of ours. Yet, like soldiers, we trudge on with pride for those scars of hard-fought battles in life.

You tell me that on your birthday, you will have a long drive north of Cebu. You say it calms you, driving long distances. I understand that need for meditation in times of transition. I know you will be working on your birthday because your boss is flying to Cebu. I will still be here. I will be that guy waiting by the window. I will be that one looking at the mobile phone once every 17 seconds willing it to ring and hoping it is you.

Now, after your drive and work, you will go have a celebration with your family. I just ask one favor, please eat one steamed rice for me. Remember me when I ate steamed rice last time I was there; how you laughed at my face as I exultantly celebrate the singing of my taste buds. You like staring at me when I eat because eating great food makes happy and you always want me happy. How…burp…sweet.

You told me of your plans and dreams. It is like our song eh? Dave Matthews Band‘s Where Are You Going? encapsulates our relationship so succinctly it hurts to listen to it despite the seeming simplicity of the words, memories and aspirations awash in equal ferocity. You asked me before where I was going. I told you I have no goals because I let life happen unplanned but all I know is that I am with you. And that comforts me.

Where are you going? Well, remember last year when Nemcy, Biba, you and I had our great Cebu Road Trip? I feel it is one of the best trips I have taken in my life and you know how I travel. I sat next to you as you drove and the harsh Cebu sun couldn’t take those twinkle in your eyes as Nemcy and I murder some songs. We relished going to the centuries-old churches in Cebu.

We went to Oslob and it was pretty hot already. I saw something and I squealed at Nemcy; begging her to take a picture with you with what I saw. It was one of the most beautiful shots Nemcy took not because my fat face is there but because of what it stood for.

What did I see? It was a sign post in front of the old stone church. The sign post had one of the most beautiful words in the Spanish language. The sign post was pointing to Eternidad. Eternity.

Where are you going? Eternidad. With you. Happy birthday. Eat some spaghetti and cake for me, please, while I eat some chocolates.



  1. gush gush..*u guys are so sweet*

  2. This is the sweet…

  3. this is the sweetest, most romantic post i’ve ever read. it’s so genuine, so true. full of loive. awwness sir. ;D -from your former student in hum2 who loves to read your multiply 😀

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