Posted by: nastypen | October 9, 2007

Dear God, Deliver Me From Stupidity

I haven’t heard from this woman for several months now. She’s a friend of a friend. I didn’t even recall she was in my phone’s directory. The phone rang and her name was screaming on the screen.

OH GOD. What does she want now? She’s notorious for being “user-friendly.”

So, I answered.

Her screeching voice grated my ear. She let out the usual “how-are-you-where-are-you-working-now-i-was-just-thinking-about-you” schtick. I almost blinded myself from rolling my eyeballs.

Then she asked me, “You love Japanese food, right?”

Uh-huh.

She was giggling on the other line, “Great! I was supposed to be interviewed by this TV show on my favorite Japanese dishes. But I have a flight in a couple of hours! Soooo…. I thought maybe this TV show can meet up with you and you talk about Japanese food instead of me!”

Uhm….

She harped on and on about how great it is that I will be interviewed by this TV show… how I will look cute onscreen…. how I will be tasting free food….. she made it sound like it was the greatest thing EVER.

As she was gushing, my eyes narrowed and I was throwing mental daggers at her throat slitting her to silence. I told her I don’t want to be in TV again because I look like I gain at least ten pounds onscreen. I’m too busy checking my students’ papers. I bid goodbye and wished her good luck in looking for a replacement.

This. This! I really hate this. Just because I’m fat you automatically think I love food? What the? I don’t even eat fowl and my fellow Cebuanos are disdained that I never tasted the famed Cebu lechon because I am repulsed by the sight of it. What’s so ironic is that in the family, I am the one who is the “hardest to feed” because of my prissy selective nature and I am unfortunately the fattest.

Ergo, i have to deal with people handing me their leftovers thinking that I would want to eat more. I have to deal with this sort of treatment that I should be asked to pay more in a dinner because I am perceived to eat more. I have to deal with questions about “Where is a nice place to eat?” Or how about when I asked for tips on certain ingredients by people who think that the bigger the waistline the better the knowledge on the culinary arts. I can’t even boil an egg! Now, because I am fat, I could wax rhapsodic on food?

Ask my sister! I eat like a goddamn tweety bird while she wolfs it down!….And her waistline is as big as my kneecap! Also, people don’t know this but sometimes, I FORGET to eat. Who knows….maybe deep down inside…deep down these layers of thick fat, I am anorexic!!!!

This angry rant made me hungry.

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Responses

  1. Wow. Such a passionate response to a phone call.

  2. …it’s because ignorance fuels my fire.

  3. Hmm, I suddenly feel fortunate that I get to dine out with you with all the rants you just wrote here. So thank you, although it is true that you really don’t eat a lot even when we dine out. That’s something that most people will find surprising indeed.

  4. What if I want to take you out to lunch or dinner?


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