Posted by: nastypen | August 14, 2007

The Name Game

I could be a terrible parent. Needless to say, I would be hardly a normal parent. I mean if I had a daughter, I’d name her “Ferocity.” Hey, that has more character than “Felicity.” At least I don’t name her after a fruit (Apple) or a carbo delight (Cupcake) a physiological malfunction (Dimples) or after a weak and infatuated moment with pop culture (sometime in the 90s, female infants were named Mari Mar).

So, at least I am happy to contend that I will most likely be a non-parent. I don’t think I would want to have children with my genetic imprint. The concept of parental responsibility is giving me a nosebleed.

So, I have “other” children, instead.

They say that what sets man apart from beasts is the ability to be rational. Well, now that we have clips of chimps using tools to gather food bodes ill to the rational argument. I think one of the things that set us apart is the ability to name.

If you’re an animal, your world is filled with either food, mates, killers or enemies. We humans have a more intricate system of nomenclature and classification.

So, I get to name some of my possessions. I used to call a bonsai “Walter” after Walter Navarro, because I was watching the movie Stardoom with him in the starring role when that plant was handed to me. I call my laptop (with cheetah prints) Lafawnduh. I name my piggy bank at work Chu Belles V. Ragow much to delight of some students. Once, a fag hag asked me to name her puppy, who was barking bravely at strangers yest a little ball of fur. I named him Ben Fur. It’s a constriction of Ben-Hur and Fur. Ahahahaha. I once named my little sister’s pet fish Bette after Bette Davis because of those FAB fish eyes. Bette turned out to be male and eventually went to fish heaven. Must have committed suicide because of the name? I once named my friend’s Volks as “The Bimbomobile!” Ahahahaha. That’s too ditz and not gay.

Recently, I was asked by Addie to give suggestions for a name for his car. I asked for the plate number and he said it was “ZGW.” Within microseconds, I named his car ZIGOURNEY G. WEAVER! G stands for “Gorjuzzz.” And the nickname is ZeeWee. I think that is the gayest name for a car in the island of Cebu.

Hey, I have a digital camera now. (By the way, this is a shout out to my friend Livs in Singapore. I have a camera now! Let’s hire some male and female prostitutes and attempt to make the Philippines’ most artistic porn film. The story is about a mermaid and a fisherman…. hahahaha…… remember that????) I was wracking my brain to name the camera. I don’t want something so pretentious as “Spawn of Orson Welles.” Bitch, please! I wanted to name it after one of my favorite film directors “Francis Ford CAMERA!” But, I want something fabulous also.

I eventually settled for “Big Star Norma Desmond.”

Oh Jeebus. I named it so easily but have no time to use it and tinker around with it. I have a name yet it is still inside the box for more than a month now! hahaha. Have to make time for that one.

Anyway, I named it after the tragic but fabulous character in one of my most favorite films of ALL TIME: Billy Wilder‘s Sunset Boulevard! For those who are culturally ignorant and not gay enough, this movie is about a deluded old actress who was huge during the era of the silent pictures only to be discarded by the cruel Hollywood machinery. Ahahahha. The name is from one of the best lines in the film when a character remarks that Norma Desmond is not a big star anymore to which she retorted with piercing eyes “I AM big. It’s the pictures that got small.” By the way, that line is one of the best lines in cinematic history according to scores of critics and film historians.

A scene from the movie:

 

FIERCE!!!!

Bow to her, bitches. God, I must have seen this film more times than any other film. I practically screeched when I saw a DVD copy.

So, aren’t you glad I’m not within capacity to name human babies?

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Responses

  1. gholay! Zigourney Weaver din naisip ko. fotek!
    Francis Ford Camera… medyo nabaduyan ako pero tumatawa ako dito. and i mean halakhak

    ito na lang, you know Sarah Jane Abad? (former childstar from “Tunay na kaibigan walang iwanan, PEKSMAN” and “Kung Mawawala Ka?”) named her kid KIDLAT. and i mean christened pa talaga.

    (her husband nga pala is Jay of Kamikazee) hahaha

  2. My straight friend named his baby girl, REESE CAMERON. Kaloka. Inokray na namin na parang ulam. hahahaha.

  3. yung shopetbahay namin Bonus ang apelyido, yung magaling na mga magulang pinabinyagan yung anak nilang babae na Christmas. Die hard fans siguro ng bandang Aegis. Kalorkah.

  4. Pano ‘yun… my name is not that common. Walang meaning o sense? 😦


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