Posted by: nastypen | August 7, 2007

Not Onyx!!!

There was a commotion downstairs. It was early morning and I was told that men dressed like enforcers came to the grounds and started rounding up dogs. Apparently, some bitch complained of the dogs roaming around the grounds and barking at people, baring their teeth. So, the dogs have to rounded up.

Poor Mrs. A downstairs had her mutts collected. She was crying. I had to bundle Onyx inside my room and risked her shitting indoors than going downstairs and have her collared by the enforcers.

Not Onyx! The Labrador princess Onyx is a beautiful creature! I wouldn’t want her rounded up like some scruffy mongrel.

Why just look at how lovable she is:

Onyx is love!

This is Onyx trying to have her close-up taken as my sister and mom have a bonding moment via dyeing the hair.

Onyx is having an identity crisis, truthfully. She does not know that she is a dog. Either she thinks she’s a cat, because this bitch loves to rub herself at our legs, or she thinks she’s human as she barks her arguments with us.

I could just imagine the tears of anguish from myself and growls of anger from my sister if ever Onyx is rounded up. We must have her registered at the Makati City Hall. I’ll buy her a nice collar with faux crystals!

I couldn’t help but stammer with frustration at the way these people complain about the dogs. Sure, there are mutts roaming at the grounds. sure, they may be rabid. But, hell, the dogs don’t do karaoke and irritate my ears off at nights that are meant for rest and relaxation.

The dogs do stink, but they can’t help it. they don’t have a notion on personal hygiene. But get a whiff at some people in the neighborhood and you question whether or not they were abandoned as children in the wilderness because some of them smell like creatures from the Manila Zoo. Why can’t we collar neighbors who stink?

Dogs stink, yes, but they don’t smoke. They do not puff billows of smoke to your face. Dogs do not throw down the cigarette butts on the floor only to have me almost slip on them. why don’t we round up these smokers, too?

Dogs lick their own genitals sniff other dogs’ asses. True. But do they spread gossip about you? No. Why don’t we collect the neighborhood gossip or those people with nothing better to do but flap their lips and cast judgment on you. There ought to be a leper colony for these people.

Dogs bark and snarl. Yes. But do they hold late night parties in the middle of the week? Do the dogs laugh like crazed hyenas spiked with acid at some lame joke that is to be repeated to have them laugh louder? Do dogs murder classic songs with their drunken stupor? There should be a special jail for these people…like have them live up a bell tower and have their eardrums tortured hourly and let us see how they enjoy it.

Dogs f*ck in public. But that is a more natural sight than fighting couples sitting on the steps of stairs with the stupid girl bawling her eyes out and the stupid boy looking even more stupid just staring at her and me wanting to kick their groins to get off the f*cking stairs and let me f*cking pass.

All the fuzz this morning for what?

Lord knows Onyx is a special creature. Too bad I can’t say the same thing about a lot of my neighbors.

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Responses

  1. Awww, you make it sound as if your pet dog is really another member of the family! How sweet! Well, I know how that feels like since my cat Pura is also well taken cared of, having his own cat food and cat litter and all.

  2. The ever-protector you! And it proves you really love Onyx and HATED your neighbors. I am a witness to this writing… I mean, your rants about your neighbors… and why WE would choose pets over humans. Hahaha… life!


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