Posted by: nastypen | April 14, 2007

The Cubicle is You

Ok, enough with the debates and drama.  I want to be shallow for the moment.

I went out yesterday to the mall. Nemcy did not recognize me because of my hair. She shrilled, “you should cut your hair!” I told her I wanted to channel 1990s Winona Rider — only that I look like I ate the entire cast and crew of Reality Bites.

Oh well. I am sticking to my growing my hair longer till I wake up at night with my ears bleeding from my scratching because I am not used to my locks grazing my ears. i want to have a photo of myself with longer hair before they hairline decides to retreat further. hahahaa.

Anyhoo….

Nemcy and I were walking around and decided to go to the surplus shop and look for bargains. I saw something that made me squeal with delight. Nemcy saw it and bought one for me for my desk at the faculty room.

I thanked her profusely. I was telling her earlier how I saw the other desks of the teachers and there was the usual stack of books and sheafs of papers. One desk had a huge picture of a couple, another a plate with the family photo, and one caused a seismic shift in my innards.

There was a staue …. NOT a statuette … a STATUE of the Virgin Mary. A statuette is the thing you place in tiny family altars. this statue belongs to a chapel.

I quipped that maybe I should finally take out that ceramic Hello Kitty statue in a cute kimono given to me when I interviewed this international newscaster way back in my newspaper days. I do not know why she gave me that Hello Kitty statue. It could be worse, like enveloped cash. I thought it was pretty humorous for me to own a pussy with no mouth. But it does look cute in that Japanese kimono. I wonder how my students would react when they drop their papers at my desk to be met by Hello Kitty?

Well, in my former job, this was my desk in my cubicle:

ugh.....

It looked like it is from the nuclear fallout of Chernobyl, right? Mind you, this is just PART of the desk, you have not seen the drawers nor the overhead cabinets. They would be an investigator’s nightmare.

I vow never to be me this messy and disorganized in my teaching job. I will return to my college days when I was so organized that the clothes in my closet were arranged according to the full range of the colors of the rainbow (White then R.O.Y.G.B.I.V then Black). I swear to God, I was that afflicted with serious tunnel vision with my shoes arranged according to the days of the week.

Then life happened and I got so busy and my table became chaotic. At one point I had a Joyce Jimenez pinup on my desk in my first job. It was a desk I inherited, pornographia and all. Then it took me months to realize that boobies on my desk contributed to talks behind my back wondering if I was closeted or bisexual. What the?!?! I took down Miss Jimenez and replaced her with a giant photo of the Buddha to whom I look to everytime I get stressed.

I do add some quirks to my cubicle as a means to cope. Here is evidence:

Battle for the ages......

That’s the Hulk vs. the Clay Snow Man. Well, I read somewhere that when you are stressed out, it is best to take time off and do something else with your hands. Whacking off is out of the question, so, I just fooled around with clay.

But here are samples to note that the stuff on or in your cubicle is reflective of your personality and character.

Sample A: From Tonette’s Desk:

brand me!!!!!!!!

Tonette is the head honcho for an advertising department somewhere in the city. I occasionally visit her to dish some gossip and perhaps score some rackets. She is always multi-tasking. While talking to me about this rich man’s mistress getting a boob job and her botched hairdo, she is fiddling with her calculator, punching in the amounts she got from her accounts, then sifts through her desk looking for an envelope, then opening a drawer to reveal eight bottles of perfumes as she selects one to spray all over her before we go out to lunch.

Her stapler is literally branded with her name. Even her staple remover! I noted this and she squealed, “They always steal my stapler!!! Pwes, tadtarin ko ng name koh noh!” (Well, then I pepper it with my name!) People who go work with and for her know only too well to go to her office and snatch her stapler. She literally spent thousandsreplacing her staplers and such. So now, to assert her ownership AND her position, she is sticker-happy with her name all over the menial office stuff. Nobody borrows from her anymore. She would raise hell if she finds her stapler within five feet out of her office.

Her name is there which means it should be at her desk, or else.

Exhibit B: From Nestor’s desk:

what the????

Nestor is one of the saddest people I know. The type that they have no idea that they are sad in the first place. He is quiet and clean… too clean and everything has a place on his desk. He enjoys knock knock jokes and talks about Pinoy Big Brother in a whispered tone.

He is a clerk for this certain government office. He is flanked by women officemates with hideous puppy screensavers infecting their computers. He quiety shuffles the papers and stacks them in order according to size: A4 always beneath letter size. He has a separate drawer for just envelopes. The only things with color on his desk are the staple remover, a coaster and the yellow desk itself.

Nestor always wears white socks and talks as if he knew there was a bug somewhere trying to eavesdrop on him. I was rattling on and on about the hideous traffic in Manila and he was just staring at me. He then picked one staple wire on the desk and placed it on a plastic cup filled with discarded staple wires.

Why would you collect staple wires in a cup? Worse, why must there be a coaster for this cup?

So, the cubicle and the desk always give out hints to one’s personality or lack thereof.

I forgot to mention what Nemcy gave me….a piggy bank! But not some ordinary piggy bank, she gave me one of these fab things:

love these!!!!!

Oh Lordy, this is how I would look if I decide to be a drag queen.

Chu belles!!!!!!

The one at the middle, the one with the “who, me?” smirk? With the fat Valkyrie opera outfit? With that atrocious orange necklace? That’s the one Nemcy picked for me because that piggy reminds her of my character: steely yet flamboyant.

She has a name now. I call her Chu Belles V. Ragow. Chu Belles from Chubby and that she is like me, shaped like a bell. V. Ragow is a play at the word “Virago.”

So, when I finally settle in my new desk, I’ll set up yet another quirky (but this time not messy) table. Oh if only I had my way, I’d cover the entire cubicle with giant posters of this.

Can’t stop the flood, bitches.

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Responses

  1. hahaha… gawd i wonder what my desk says about me. and that piggy rocks!!!


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