Posted by: nastypen | February 26, 2007

Finally, Martin Scorsese!

It’s every gay man’s NBA finals, World Cup and Superbowl….the Oscars!

I would like to thank the cosmos that I am unemployed right now and was able to watch the Oscars without checking the clock nor riddled in guilt for the first time IN YEARS.

But, first, DreamGirls was bitch slapped.

WAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

I thank God it wasn’t nominated for best picture because the film adaptation was just so horrid. I practically screamed when the best supporting actor award went to Alan Arkin. Too bad, Eddie Murphy. Arkin is far more superior an actor, he does not need fat suits to catch attention.

Of course, Jennifer Hudson has to win. Everyone needs a token Cinderella story for the night. Despite the fact that her performance in Dreamgirls showed that the girl can sing…not act. I love Anika Noni Rose infinitely more. this is going to be one of those oscar glitches like Gwyneth winning over Blanchett, like Rocky won over Taxi Driver.

If you saw the rest of the best supporting nominees’ films….which I did….the ones who lost in the best supporting actress category are exemplary actresses, so good that they cancelled each other out and made it possible for Hudson to win. Hudson’s edge was that she can sing and she has hype. Nothing more. A cineaste friend texted me “I’m confident that an Oscar curse will be set in place.” Think Louise Fletcher‘s Oscar-winning role as Nurse Mildred Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. She may have won the Best Supporting Actress, but now, nobody remembers her.

Me? I’m just happy that Jennifer Hudson thanked Jennifer Holiday albeit in an afterthought manner. Everybody in the right taste knows that La Jennifer Holiday is a better Effie White than JHud. What was JHud wearing?!?! A glittery bolero and a brown gown? She looks like a tree stump with pockets in Liberace’s garden!

I think Beyonce Knowles deserves an Oscar for best “Plastic smile feeling happy for the fat ugly girl when it should have been me up on that stage.”

But what I truly enjoyed was their numbers in the best song. They were trying to outsing each other. If it weren’t for their fab gowns, I would have changed channels. I hate it when they start screeching. JHud has a powerful voice alright. Beyonce does her bit of “look at my fabulous armpits” raising her hands up in the sky perhaps castigating God why JHud landed the cover of Vogue and she is just on the skanky Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Anika is up and screeches. These divas give it their all.

I stay on becuase I know despite their performances and production numbers, they will lose big time. they did. To a pale lesbian with bad hair. I was screaming for Melissa Ethridge. I think her song has more substance than the generic and sophomoric songs of DreamGirls.

OOOOHHH!!! A Lesbian kiss between Ethridge and her wife! that will be cut in Star World, I’m sure. Great night for lesbians. Ellen Degeneres is the first openly gay person to host the Oscars. But, she was not entirely funny. I miss Billy Crystal. Although I loved the part when ellen asked Steven Spielberg to take a photo of her with Clint Eastwood for myspace.

Meryl Streep may have lost but she is the real queen. Anne Hathaway should return her dress to the nursing home. Emily Blunt, I love you despite you hooking up with Michael Buble. Break up with him now. You’re too good for that. You won a Golden Globe, he sang Spider-Man in a big band.

I get a text from a gay friend “Guillermo Del Toro (director of Pan’s Labyrinth and Hell Boy) looks like you!” Yup, he does, only he’s a hotter bitch. I love it when he lost the Best Foreign Film, the German director’s ass grazed through his head. Poor guy. Don’t worry, you’ll have more projects in Hollywood than that German.

Leonardo dicaprio is fat.  Love…LOVE you, Cate BlanchettRinko Kikuchi‘s date is her translator.  This Japaense actress is great in BabelPenelope Cruz‘s gown is a flaming queen’s dream come true.  Tom Cruise is still in Hollywood?! What is Jack Black doing in the Oscars?  His musical bit with Will Farrel (who called John C. Reilly as “Jack Black”) is so unfunny.  I switch to BBC and see that another suicide bombier hit a Baghdad University.

I switch back on to the Oscars hoping they’re done.

Cameron Diaz is wearing a bond paper collage.  Abigail Breslin can be forgiven for her gown.  She’s young and not fame-hungry like Dakota Fanning.  Let’s hope Abigail will not think a rape scene will earn her an Oscar.

Catherine Deneuve is at the Oscars!!!! I LOVE HER!!!!  Will Smith’s kid had a hard time reading.  Maggie Gyllenhaal‘s brother Jake may be hotter than the sister, but I know the sister is a much better actor.

OOOH….a montage of great foreign films.  I get goosebumps because I see Federico Fellini‘s La Strada which is one of the most beautiful and saddest films ever.  OOH…Akira Kurosawa‘s Rashomon with the feral and the reason why I love Japanese men, Toshiro Mifune…..hmmm  the foreign films clips of yesteryears are mostly European.  Don’t they know the largest cinema industries on earth are in asia?  And we DO produce great films…not that often here in the Philippines though.

What’s this?  The Oscar voice-over said that “The Departed” was adapted from Infernal Affairs…A “JAPANESE FILM?!?!”  These stupid Americans!  They clump Asians together.  Don’t they know that the Infernal Affairs was made in Hong Kong?!  Don’t they know that MILLIONS of Chinese HATE the Japanese?  God, Hollywood can be so stupid sometimes.

Marie Antoinette beats the DreamGirls for best costume design.  Ahahahaha.  Great choice.  But I’d rather watch Dream Girls all over again than Marie Antoinette though.

But I’m still all aglow that Martin Scorsese won.  FINALLY! All those years and great films, Marty.  You’re one of the directors that make me want to hang on to the role of the storyteller.  You’re one of the reasons why I go into this thankless world of the Arts.  You’re one of the few reasosn why I hung on to watching more than three hours of the Oscar telecast.

Ok, enough of the Oscar gush.  Have to return to reality.  My gout is hurting like crazy.

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Responses

  1. “Fame-hungry like Dakota Fanning?” You are such a jackass. Get your facts straight, idiot:

    Dakota Fanning is not fame-hungry. She is a talented and hard-working actress. Just ask anyone who has worked with her.

    Dakota never said she did Hounddog to win an Oscar. Her agent merely commented that she thought Dakota’s performance was Oscar-worthy.

    It is actually possible to compliment Abigail without insulting Dakota. Go ahead – try it, jocko.

  2. you’re right, otto. I’m such an idiot! So sorry!

    “It is actually possible to compliment Abigail without insulting Dakota. Go ahead”

    Abigail Breslin is so cute and talented!

    Dakota looks……never mind….too easy…. She did model for marc jacobs right? Now why on earth would a 12-year-old agree to be a model for a clothing line NOT GENERALLY ASSOCIATED with children?

    not fame-hungry indeed. Perhaps it’s her handlers, no? what kind of a mother/manager would allow her own daughter a “simulated” or “implied” rape scene? If this did not get media mileage, I don’t know what will.

    although I love her in war of the worlds hahahaha.

    Otto, check this out: perhaps you can send this to Dakota’s people:
    http://www.minorcon.org/dakota_fanning1.html

    But thanks for the comment!

  3. Hello…

    My memory of Dakota is of her at the BAFTA thanking her agent.

    Compare that with the Jerry Maguire kid who talked about pets in Letterman.

    Which kid is fame-hungry?


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