Posted by: nastypen | February 24, 2007

This is Why It’s Called the Idiot Box

This is why I hate being immobilized.

I have a massive attack of gout (What F. Sionil Jose told me as a rich man’s affliction, I told him affliction knows no class stratifications) and rendered myself like a beached whale on the bed. A friend texts me about Kris Aquino‘s hubby James Yap‘s alleged mistress to make an announcement on TV.

I couldn’t walk and the book I was reading was on the other room and I am too weak to go get it and besides I miss watching showbiz talk shows. I miss idiocies on the TV.

I am so out of it. I have no idea what’s going on.

One thing I don’t miss is being crammed inside the MRT and pass by this hideous billboard of this famous couple in which the lady here sits on the husband like a piece of furniture. It makes my blood run cold when people who pander to idiocy rake in millions while those who are educated are relegated to the cubicle and reading about them.

So, anyway, apparently the husband is cheating on her. I just watched the clips in this showbiz chat show to wait for my schadenfreude moments. There were a lot. To whet the appetites of the viewers, the interviews with the alleged mistress were interspersed throughout the hours.

There was one tidbit of another topic that made me laugh out loud.

It was that issue of Piolo Pascual and Sam Milby holding hands. Now, really, I thought nothing of that picture depite the fact that there are people who still comment on my entry ages ago. I don’t care if the photo’s real or not. But, here comes Toni Gonzaga who looked like a Haitian zombie thanks to her white eyeshadow seemingly to come to the boys’ defense.

Note I used the word “seemingly.”

She tried to brush the issue aside with her non-sequitur to the tune of something like “Hello, if we girls hold each other’s hands, that is not malicious.”

Uh…..ok….. so is she saying that two men holding hands is like two women holding hands? A sign of affection sans lust and debauchery?

Right. Girl, I came from an all-boys’ Catholic school and never….NEVER….as in ultramegastupendously NEVER seen two boys secure in their sexuality have a friendly holding hands session. In college, I squeezed myself in a major macho/nerd barkada and never….NEVER….as in ultramegastupendously NEVER seen two guys secure in their sexuality have a friendly holding hands session. I’m an adult now and never….NEVER….as in ultramegastupendously NEVER seen two straight male officemates in all my years int he cubicle have a friendly holding hands session.

Perhaps, you can ask your brother, father, grandfathers, male cousins, male costars when was the last time they held hands with the same sex.

Hey, I’m gay and I abhor holding hands. Ask my partner. Once, we held hands, no, he held my hand on the escalator up to the MRT station, one woman sawus and laughed. I took a long look at the woman’s face and thought it was amazing, humanity, how this woman with a lunar landscape for a face and whose hair is as silky smooth as a sewer rat run over by an 18-wheeler truck can find it funny that two guys hold hands and yet she thinks she’s better than the both of us.

The only time I see men hold hands are of the following:

1.) Both men are cocksuckers…to which both of them are in an intimate setting and not caring what society thinks.

2.) The men are inside a Catholic Church and it’s time to recite the Lord’s prayer in which the worshippers clasp hand. Only, there are those guys who just raise their hands to the air if it meant holding the hand of a complete male stranger next to them.

3.) When I’m in Dubai in which there is a large Indian and Pakistani community, to which the males from the subcontinent show their camaraderie by holding hands. Last time I checked, the Philippines and our culture do not belong to the subcontinent.

4.) Both men are related to which one of them is the father, the other one is his single-digit-aged son, after the age of 10-11, the son will squirm if the father shows affection for him out in the open.

5.) Arm wrestling. But this is hardly arm wrestling, no?:

again!!!!

6.) When the referee announces who wins in the boxing match.

7.) Sheer mockery. When two guys make fun of faggots. I’ve seen them do it. As I walk down several school halls, I meet these morons who act cuddly to each other, mock hold hands and scream as if it’s an insult to my homosexuality. An insult would be if these morons beat me academically, which they never do.

8.) Male rescue workers pulling out male victims out of wreckage.

9.) Business meetings. No, this is not the formal shaking of hands, this is the prolonged more stern “Ok, it’s a deal but you better not f*ck with me in the process or I will crush you” grip.

10.) You’re mountain climbers/kayakers/in a lifeboat and one of you slipped and you hold on to him.

11.) when one of you is drunk and his latent sexual repression is unfurled. However, drunk men are supported by the more sober friend with their arms put around the shoulders as they teether their way back home. So, this is not exactly holding of hands.

12.) Mass execututions in movies, if the men are not tied up, they held hands as way of “Please, dear God, I don’t want to feel alone in this macabre moment.”

You maybe in a poorly-lit location to which males would rather grip the shirttails of their companions than hold hands in the dark trying to look for their way out. Been there, we were in the mountains and my guide said “Follow my voice.” Nope, he didn’t hold my hand. And I fell. See, for the sake of macho image, I fell and hurt myself.

I just had to react to the ridiculous defense this girl set for the boys. So, if two traditional macho Filipino Roman Catholic/Christian men kiss each other in the cheeks it’s ok, because the women do it, too!

I’ll just steal from what Marmaduke commented on my blog entry:

Whether or not the photo is real should not matter unless there’s something amiss. There’s nothing wrong with being gay. It’s only wrong when you take pains to hide it. That would be like living a lie. No matter how many “props” you have.

I agree. Just the photo of two male matinee idols holding hands can cause quite a stir is so farcical. It’s such an easy target! Why not let showbiz ask itself a deeper question on how and why they impose on their personalities certain parameters like hindrance of sexuality for the sake of image and bankability?

Whatevs.

Then there is the issue of Kris Aquino’s hubby’s alleged mistress hilariously named “HOPE.” (But then again, hope is a brand for cancer sticks, right? I just love it when dull oursleves with corporate-backed irony.) Seems to me Hope the alleged mistress is a starf*cker, a person who wants to feel more special about himself/herself by ingratiating his/her person in famous circles, relationships.

I almost blinded myself when she announced that the only sin she committed was that she fell in love. Whoa. Love is a sin? Not f*cking a famously married man with a pregnant media whore of a wife? Bitch, please.

But the Pièce de résistance came from the tv show announcing something alike the way of washing their hands off the matter. They had a disclaimer after what has been said and done, that they want the viewers to form their own opinions of the matter and that the TV show is not giving out their opinions themselves. This is by no means an exploitative exercise to milk an issue that caused stress and turned a media whore like Kris Aquino to shut up uncharacterisitcally.

I threw my head back and laughed like a villain when the TV show writers attempted at wit when they mentioned this:

“If walls can talk, why not Hope?”

WAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHHA. I believe they misused an idiomatic expression of “if only these walls can talk…” (the point is, walls CAN’T talk, moron, hence the amplification of secrecy in this expression) Typos and grammar errors are forgivable, but this!!!!

Oh lord, what a way to justify rumor mongering!

…although I’m curious how the other network will deal with this in their equally-if-not-more-stupid showbiz chat shows.  These shows are good at mudslinging and not really a practice of wry witticisms.

F*ck, I wish my gout would go away so I won’t have to be hostaged by watching such lunacy. Thank God for the BBC, their news saved me from the idiot box.

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Responses

  1. It’s 2007. Why are people still making a fuss over gay couples? The last time I checked, gay people seem to have the same genetic make-up as the rest of us creatures who are full of damn opinions. Whether a person is gay or not is a non-issue for me. I just can’t stand stupid people or people who seem to act holier-than-thou for whatever reason.

    News flash, folks: we all poop and piss the same substances. In other words, nobody is really special when it all boils down to it. For God’s sake, people. Widen your world view. For all your freaking education, religion, and good breeding, you’re all no better than the unschooled brutes who whistle at and direct crude remarks to women.

    For the record, being a man does not entail macho posturing. Gay people who choose to live a baffling life of fence-sitting go off to marry women and have kids with them. At the end of the day, they’re still gay. But, hey, anything to look good on paper, right? Gayness is honorable so wear it proud. If you can’t love yourself, do the rest of the world a favor and quit using God as a convenient prop. If you must live a lie, go ahead. Just stay away from people who want honesty. If Sam the Hotdog Endorser and Piolo the Pretty Boy are gay and want to hide it. So be it. They gotta pay the bills and, well, sadly…more people embrace lies. It takes guts to be real. But reality does not rake in ads. If they’re not gay, then what’s the fuss about?

    (And, hey, how come Keempee de Leon can play a fantabulous gay man on TV and nobody accuses him of being gay in real life?)

    And please, don’t freaking tell me that macho posturing guarantees than a man prefers a woman. On the other hand, when a man professes to hang up fuschia curtains and liking the Maximo Oliveros movie more than Apocalypto, that can’t guarantee that he’s gay either. The point of this analogy is this: it does not matter.

    So…please, it’s 2007. The woman who laughed at the Diva and his boyfriend at the MRT is stuck in Homophobia Land. I’m pretty sure that I don’t live there. I can’t say the same for the rest of you. (This statement is only directed at idiots–both in and out of the box.)

  2. Marmaduke! kareerin ba ang comments? thank you so much. I bet I will receive all these comments saying “That photo is a fake!”

    Like D-UUUUUUUUUUHHHHH…….

    Did I ever say that photo was genuine? Please.

    They totally missed the point. Too much TV has dulled discernment I guess.

  3. I’m in Bagiuo right now, Constipated Diva, but man I was so mesmerized by how you wrote such a passionate entry. And yes, I do agree with you. I never saw real men holding hands in public. It’s not in our culture. Probably a dad and a young boy, but NEVER adults. Anyway, here’s to roaming wifi, 3G and GPRS access on a mobile phone! Grabeh! Ibang lebel na ito!!! Blogging and surfing on a phone!

  4. As always, the writing skills and expression of thoughts killed the beast! (Pauso ko! Wehehehe) Anyway, a great way to explain about the holding hands of men… well, I wish Tony Gonzaga and anyone else who adores and defends the “couple” reads this! Ipa-publish kaya natin sa dyaryo? Or better yet, magsulat ka na kaya, para may bayad naman ang mga explanations mong matitino at realistic. I’d rather read such in reminded of “reality” and how awful the norms of society is.

    And as for Kris… I won’t be surprise if she’d have a miscarriage. Hello? From the start, people should have seen this coming… except for the part of “If walls can talk…”.

    Bwahahaha!!!


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