Posted by: nastypen | January 14, 2007


You know who you are.

I’m waiting for midnight to greet you. I’m surfing the net trying to block the neighbors have their weekly karaoke torture. Now, they’re singing Abba. The guy is moaning the song “Pernandooow.” I curse the invention of the magic sing and the Filipino insensitivity to other people’s ears.

A little later, I will clear the debris off my room. It has been a slow and easy Saturday and I like it that way. A little later it’ll be Sunday and you’re 29. Strange, I somtimes feel like I’m 17 but we’re going to be 29 soon. 29. With absolute finality, we are at the last stretch of the 20s. I don’t mind.

You say you are going bald. I don’t mind. Your face wrinkles when you smile; your eyes disappear into glints and I don’t mind. You say you cannot give me everything. I don’t ask for everything. I can get them on my own. hahaha. But, you are the only person I know who is a harder worker than me.

Hey, you have the same birthday as one of my favorite authors of all time, Yukio Mishima. That has character! What do I get? I share my birthday with James Van Der f*cking Beek and Robert f*cking Jaworski. But, you, Mishima!! How apt! One of his best novels is the Confessions of a Mask. It’s about this guy who struggled with his homosexuality, confining himself living with a metaphorical mask on.

It’s midnight and I call you. You’re asleep already and I greeted you a happy birthday and you grunt your thanks. And I know you are smiling as I chimed my greeting like a deranged cukoo bird. It was a short conversation. I let you go back to sleep.

Now, back to blogging and the neighbors just screeched some Bon Jovi song. You are fortunate that you are not here. It is a blessing to be surrounded by family on your birthday. I know you are trying to lose that mask with your family. I tell you to blame your mother’s pair of gold pants that made you gay. You laugh. Yet, you fret that you are old and that you are unemployed. I am inspired by you that you left your job, as a manager too, of five years to explore your options. the things we do to ourselves, eh?

Great, my back needs scatching and you’re not here. The itch just compounded your absence. You fret that we are literally thousands of islands apart. I don’t mind. And it’s not because of that cliched absence makes the heart grow fonder…oh no….time apart tests our mettle that will further define ourselves as well as our relationship.

You say you are proud of me that I am taking more control with my life. But, ask my sisters and mother, it is only you that told me to do so and took heed. But, I’m sorry, I still hate planning. I mean I am not one of those who shell out thousands of pesos at Starbucks to get a free planner. Please. Control and planning are two different planes. I’m glad you told me at my weak points to be more pro-active and to reign myself in.

Before you, I was just going about my life living like a machine; thinking that the office is my friend. With you, it’s your laughter that keeps me going. Hey, it’s your birthday but I’m ranting on about me! Typical.

I don’t have a gift for you. I want to get you something. But I don’t know what. I just wish you are here right now in Manila where we could hie off to Binondo and eat some siomai and walk around Malate and tell you where the British landed to invade the country in the 1700s. With you around, I don’t yearn for the stars. I just yearn for time to stop and sleep next to you so peacefully you and I smile as my snore scares the night creatures away.

So, you bought a cake? Please eat some pasta for me. Don’t tell my gym instructor but I bought some ice cream. We’ll it’s low fat and low sugar, but still. I’m allowed to be a bit indulgent in this happy day.

Happy birthday!



  1. Bro Bear, I’m grateful for the 10 years that we’ve been together. I said it so many times that I couldn’t thank you enough for accepting me and for taking me into your life.

    Without you, I’m just a mere blank canvas, but you painted me with your life, so colorful, so vibrant, so lovely.

    And I couldn’t ask for more. Having you as my partner is the best birthday gift of all.

  2. *hug*

    happy 29th!

  3. You two bears may be apart but, heck, remember that many people are within spitting distance of each other but will never be as connected as the two of you. Distance is nothing. But, of course, having someone close enough to hug or scratch your back is heavenly, too. 🙂

    Happy birthday and be happy! Stay cute!

  4. ang sweet naman. shucks.

  5. Oo nga, ang sweet naman.

  6. ang swwwwweeeeeeeettt!!!!
    *inggit* (dying of envy here!)

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