Posted by: nastypen | January 12, 2007

Guess Who Filed His Resignation?

I wore one of my favorite orange shirts, a pair of comfy leather shoes, a pair of old pants.

I waited for a quiet time with the boss lady and told her right after 6pm last night, “I’m planning to resign.” So, officially, my one month’s notice will be from January 15 to February 15. After Valentine’s Day, I’ll be part of the jobless statistic.

I am resigning because I wanted to focus on my MA studies. I think I have been dillydallying long enough. So, 2007 is the year I will finally finish my Masters degree. I don’t know how people do it: work and study at the same time. I did it for the past years but the thesis I’m working on demands so much from me. So, I have to cut work out of the equation.

It feels weird, the prospect of being unemployed. It feels weirder that I am returning to the realms of the full-time student.

I mean, I have been employed ever since May 2, 1999. That means I have been dutifully paying taxes and being subject to the throes of cubicle insanity for close to eight years. That sounds like I do not belong to my generation generally regarded as those with short attention spans and instant gratifications. I have not had the “pleasure” of bumming around.

People have this sick notion that a person is defined by the job s/he has as of the moment. It is one of those sad “report card” announcements in these pathetic reunions and gatherings like “I make 60,000 pesos per session.” I do not want to give in to this trap of narrowed identification.

And whenever there’s a party and you meet new people, they will ask, “So, what do you do?” Once I told this woman, “What do I do? I sparkle when I’m happy.”

hahahaha.

Of course, I’m afraid that I’m resigning. I’m afraid of changes. I veered myself away from the stability of a paycheck. The cubicle is the most consistent presence in my adult life until now.

But this is a necessary evil, like ROTC, like circumcision.

I heard these statements when I announce my resignation like “At least you don’t have a family.” or “Thank goodness you’re not paying tuition.” Uhm…hello, are married people the only ones entitled with insecurities?

You think I enjoy the notion of instability? Like I did this out a singlehood whim? Please. That is, by far, an ignorant reproach on me. I resigned because I had to. I have to finish some things. I do not like leaving things hanging. “Abandonment” is not a word I pander to. More significantly, I resigned to know what capabilities I have that, now, I have to think fast on my feet with no cubicle to shield me from a weak savings account.

So, I risk almost everything with this decision.

And for the record, I pay for my tuition. I paid for EVERYTHING in my pursuit for an MA.

But, I feel fine about this. I mean I am not jumping for joy that I managed to unshackle myself from cubicle misery nor I am bemoaning a lost paycheck. I am savoring the feeling of the new, the possible and the pro-active. So very uncharactersitic of my usual cynical self.

I’m a closet optimist.

And that is good.

So, after the announcement, I had dinner with Faye and joked that I should work as a pornographer. Then I hit the gym. I was on the treadmill for more than 30 minutes straight not thinking of the implications of my decision. I just thought the days of my over-analysis are numbered. I just want to brisk walk and sashay to Missy Elliot and some Madonna music. My nagging feeling just melted away that night with the sweat that dripped onto the conveyor belt of the treadmill.

Now, I’m just finishing up some tasks at hand. People have been buzzing me when they heard the news.

One fabulous diva chimed,

yes indeed. I had those feelings when i was about to resign; but once i did it…loook at meeee…i’m as happy as a kitchen up a tree. Security is what you make of it, like love.

oooh. welcome to the change club!

I like that club. I hope to be a lifetime member.

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Responses

  1. I wish you all the luck Bro Bear!!!

  2. You’re leaving??

    Sinong maiiwan?

  3. in 5 months magre-resign na rin ako, makakabalik na ko sa kolehiyo sa wakas after 3 years ng pagtigil.

    at sh*t may ROTC pa ako.

  4. hi! im back. i felt the same like i might run out of money ahaha but thanks to sugar daddy and my mom for making me feel secure. see you next week!

  5. I should say… “Congratulations!” Finally…
    It’s all risky but I know, it will be worth the risk, Dahlin’…

    Life awaits you… the life you WANT to have Ü


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