Posted by: nastypen | December 21, 2006

I’ll have one of each please….

Normally, I’m not one to spend on beauty products. The only grooming I do is just comb my hair, brush my teeth, spray perfume and clean my ears. When it comes to beauty products’ commercials, I am bored to tears with testimonials of willowy airheads about how this product made their skin tighter.

Till Lace sent me a link to this fabulous website.

It’s a website hawking beauty products, but instead of a talking head of a former beauty queen trying to sound articulate, the marketing ployof this product is suggestive and naughty. I like it that they played up with the “side effects” of this range of products.

Like if you use product A, this is what happens, a hot fireman might drop by your house to save your cat from the tree and stay on to check for any fire hazards at home. No, I did not sound sexy. You have to watch the videos which are hilariously sexy.

Here are some screen caps from the “flash-heavy website:”

Rub me the right way, mr. fireman, sir :)

See the menu on the left hand side? You get to select which task you want the fireman to ehem….perform.

light my fire!!!!

Above is the fireman testing how effective your fire detectors by adding some….errrr….heat to the room.

Blow me.

Above is the gardener cleaning out your….uhm….bush?

My goodness this is just too campy I love it. they utilized the typical fantasy f*cks….the hot chef, the plumber, the gardener (who reads poetry by the pool?!!?) and the fireman. This is sooo porn lite. But not catering to straight males. These are for women (and some gay men) who generally want to play around with things that leave a lot to the imagination.

I mean how can you go wrong with this hot chef? HELL-OW! I knead you, chef!

and when you have a plumber like this, wouldn’t you want him to clear your pipes?


These film shorts may not explain fully well the products but I like the way they pandered to sexual fantasy via using these beauty creams. I mean, what is the purpose of beauty products anyway?

It is definitely not to make you like Mother Teresa and be a better person. No. These products cater to the skin-deep shallow quest to look good. And the benefits of these commericals are spot-on enticing. You want to look good so you could a bang for your buck….this is the simple message of this entire series.

This is why I absolutely detest that stupid soap campaign for “real beauty.” Every f*cker with substance and depth knows that real beauty that matters is not what you look like. Then this soap company is asking us to CHOOSE what real beauty is?

And the choices are all too shallow….like would you want the fat girl or the skinny one (hello, maintstream beauty industries would use girls whose waistlines are as big as their IQs and their skin so transluscent it’s alien to make the target audience feel shitty about themselves…and this feeling is the ultimate driving force of the beauty industries throughout the world)

The fact that they made this into a thinly-veiled commercial ploy disguised as “oh we support the everywoman” patronizing chutzpah utterly disgusts me.

If you want to support real beauty, then shell out money for education. Lord knows it is the brain that is the most beautiful organ. The mind is where real beauty lies.

I don’t like the fact that a company that sells soap to make your skin smoother would tell me what real beauty is. It’s like asking Adolf Hitler to explain to me what the Kabbalah is all about.

The campaign for real beauty is a sleek marketing campaign…not a source for self-help and empowerment.

Check out this blurb I took from the always-fantastic articles:

But as long as you’re patting yourself on the back for hiring real-life models with imperfect bodies, thereby “challenging today’s stereotypical view of beauty and inspiring women to take great care of themselves,” why ask those models to flog a cream that has zero health value and is just an expensive and temporary Band-Aid for a “problem” that the media has told us we have with our bodies. (Italics mine)

At least the Reversa products make no pretense about this. You want to be beautiful to get banged by the hot men.

‘Nuff said.

Now, I’m waiting for the chef to teach me how to handle hungarian suasages.



  1. hmm hungarian sausages! meaty ^^

    anyway yes if they are campaigning for real beauty it shouldnt matter what soap you use or if you have wrinkles or not. i did believe once in highschool that everything that people do is for the purpose of sex and it is the center of the solar system. ^____^

  2. can i have the plumber for christmas? pls, pls, pleeeeaaassse??? (cutely pouts)

  3. Lace!!! Center of the solar system?!?! wahahahahahahah!!!!! Kaloka!!!!

    Bridget jones, of course, you can have the plumber! Akin ang fireman!!!! You should check out the site on the other things he could do. Like wash your car. Damn!!!! Ako mapapabili ng car kung ganito ang magwawash sa kanya pramis!

  4. My “real beauty” moments happen each time I watch beautiful women make fools of themselves on TV. Hehehe. I am shallow that way. Patas lang ang labanan. Titiklop lang ako kay Mira Sorvino, Gloria Diaz, Suzie Abrera, Angelina Jolie, at Crown Princess Masako of Japan. They’re truly beautiful to me because they have brains, too. Well, I’m not too sure about Angelina Jolie’s brain power but, hey, even my mother says she’s beautiful despite the supposed Brad Pitt-snatching fiasco.

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