Posted by: nastypen | December 18, 2006

I am Little Miss Sunshine and Scenes from the Christmas Rush

I watched Little Miss Sunshine for the second time this year. I saw it in Washington DC months ago and I was the only one laughing really hard in that cramped cinema space. Recently, I saw it with the boyfriend and it bothered him when I said, “see all of those characters? What does it mean that I could relate to all of them in this movie about dysfunction, stress-related rage and disappointments?”

Of course, the movie is not just those. Frankly, it is not a mind-blowing cinematic experience but it warms my heart especially seeing Steve Carell being a dejected homosexual academician….yummy. Love the hairy …everything.

******

I was at the mall recently and there was this huge throng outside Paul Smith. I thought there was a massive sale at Paul Smith. It turns out that Kris Aquino was doing her shopping and this huge crowd was viewing her check out the merchandise like she was a caged animal.
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I don’t pity Kris. In fact I admire her. Getting all this fanfare and clout with no talent to speak of whatsoever. She gets millions of pesos worth of endorsements and she is over-exposed with her face plastered all over the place from selling tiles to malls. She even endorsed some people to the senate in the last elections.

She has used her vagina to zoom into this career pinnacle. First, she gets knocked up by an actor causing a raucous that a daughter of a national hero and an icon for people power who was a former president…the very person found in Philippine Peso bill got pregnant out of wedlock and, recently, she got an STD from her abusive basketball star-politician boyfriend and tearfully announced to an enthralled nation.

Now, she and her vagina are at the top of the Philippines. Talk about influential.

Yup, it’s a f*cked-up nation alright.

******

God, it is just so damn awful hot these days! It is like summer.

I was walking towards the MRT and I was fried. The sun was searing and painful. It felt like it was May. Where was the cool Christmas weather? Stupid global warming. And people still want a car for christmas?

ugh. I can’t believe this weather. They say there will be rain in a few days but when the rain stops, the sun is so fierce….and not in a fabulous way.

******

I was sifting through books to look for the last novel I will buy for this year. Guess what I saw at the “Horror” section:
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Gay cowboys = Oh the horrors? Please. This is from the same bookstore I went to more than a decade ago and asked the saleslady if they had the then latest novel of Garbiel Garcia MarquezLove and Other Demons.”

She promptly pointed me to the Tagalog Romance section.

*******

Well, the Christmas stress is getting to the commuters. People are arguing with the MRT guards to let them on the train without having to open their wrapped gifts. It’s a security precaution that all packages and bags be checked because ‘Tis the season for terrorists, too.

Do what I do: Don’t bother giving gifts. I passed by the security check easily.

*******

Speaking of which. There was a screaming match at the MRT station this morning. There was this snotty nursing student who was carrying a Jollibee bag and had a tiny blue knapsack. The lady security guard told her to open her bag. The nursing student just smiled it was just her books and proceeded to the turnstiles.

The lady guard ran after her and told her quite forcefully to open her bag. The nursing student was not pleased. So, what to do when you want to feel superior to a security guard? Scream in English.

“I have a right not to open my bag!!!!”, the nursing student screamed.

But that is when the English stopped.

She let out screams of expletives and accusations. Girl, the security guard was just doing her job so you won’t end up as an Inquirer main photo of a victim with her face blown off like the one in Rizal Day bombings years ago.

I just rolled my eyes skyward. It was too early in the morning to be dealing with morons. I mean I don’t like my bags rummaged through. I know this is a violation. but the MRT, last time I checked, is still a privately own company adn they can impose security measures like this one on their customers.

Silly nursing student. She’ll be off to work as a nurse in America soon, the country that produced Guantanamo Bay prison facility where people are incacerated without due process. Your screaming your veins out about rights, huh? Better study how to insert a decatheter na lang.

*******

My little sister’s boyfriend had to buy makeup for her and mom and the fabulous Manang Padak. I accompanied him and he racked up a bill more than 6,000 pesos….and these are just foundation and blush-on and soeme eyeshadows. I thanked God that I am not a drag queen. All this upkeep is costly.

It was surreal to see a hairy burly queen (that’s me) with a tall track and field star (my sister’s bf) arguing with the saleslady about which eyeshadow would fit my little sister. I managed to snag some freebies like a bag and some nail polish.

I had dinner with him and he asked me if I want to work in the Middle East. I said no because I might be raped by bad Arab men. And he innocently said, “Huh? Rape?!?!? But you’re too big!”

I almost stabbed him with my fork.

He paid for dinner. hahahahahahahaha

*******

I’ve been so emotionally needy lately. I’m like this gigantic velcro to the boyfriend. I need him, ok?!?!

But, no, he’s busy doing the decorations for his company’s Christmas Party. It’s his last party for that company. He’ll be leaving this Friday after five years there. I threw a hissyfit about wnating to spend more quality time with him.

Apparently, his Company’s Christmas Party is more important than me?! Charing!

Well, thank goodness the boyfriend is Capricorn, he’s very level-headed to my histrionics. He just said, “I want to celebrate in the office that afforded me to see you again in Manila. If I was not hired here, I might be somwhere in Bicol or in Cebu and we may never have been together again.”

That shut me up.

God, I’ve turned into a desperate housewife!

*******

I was in McDonald’s having my very unhealthy dinner. I sat by the window.

After burping my sundae, I was deep in thought…ok, I was staring into space.

Then this couple of young ladies walked past. I caught them at the corner of my eye but I I was still thinking. One of them coyly pointed at me and started to giggle. She whispered to her friend and both of them turned around and smiled at me coquettishly.

They waved and giggled, shaking like a couple of vibrators.

They were flirting?!?!?

I gave them this look:

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They were gone faster than public support for the Constiuent Assembly.

*******

I wanted to have a photo taken with Onyx, our soon-to-be-in-heat labrador wearing a Santa’s hat with white pigtails (Onyx is Scandanavian). It turned out to be my annual workout. Putting a hat on a labrador is a tough job.

Here are pictoral evidence on the bite, sweat and tears:

Here’s Onyx shaking her head “no”….she does not want to be in the mood of the Christmas spirit apparently:
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So, I decided to wear it myself and she does this:
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Feeling hair ko talaga ang pigtails ano?  May I iling sa sakit?!?!

Well, despite my nega-stardom on christmas, I can swing by some christmas cheer once in a while.
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Merry Christmas!

Can’t stop the flood, bitches.

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Responses

  1. magi na sa ibang entry…punyeta ang cute, cute, cute ni onyx!!! (makes baby noises) bakla, pa-hug!!! i am a sucker for dogs and cats. oh my gosh, hindi na ako makapag-trabaho, leche ka…

  2. hehheeh si onyx kahit sino lalapitan nya. useless na guard dog i swear. hmpy. ayaw ng gaga ng hat. bilhan ko kaya ng choker?

  3. i love your entries. i`ve been reading them all night. wala lang. i find your posts very entertaining po eh. 🙂 your dog is just so adorable. 😀

    also an avid reader of your comic series Fringe Benefits Cafe. i read it everyday sa daily subscription namin of Phil. Star in school.

    ayun lang. 🙂 merry christmas.

  4. Kai, thanks so much for the kind words. You’re a reader of my strips pala. So, that makes the totla number of readers of my strips: 14? hahahha. but thanks anyway. Saw your blog! Very cute design. Will be keeping watch. Thanks again. Glad you enjoy my rants and raves.

  5. alam mo ate kaya nagpapakyut sa iyo yung mga girl kasi, cute ka naman and you have that staight guy vibe (sa pic lang ha. LOL). para kang si bridget, maraming nagkaka crush na mga girl eh mas girl pa sa kanila toh.

  6. Jher, halos dumugo ilong ko dun sa “straight man vibe” statement. sheht!!! Kailangan ko na magpathreading ng balbas!!!!! hahahahahaa. Gosh, muntik ko nang sampalin ang mga girls!! nandiri ako pramis ahahahaha


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