Posted by: nastypen | November 5, 2006

Tequila Sunrise with Mexican Sunset

Yesterday, I was fortunate enough to leave the concrete jungle of Los Angeles and went south of the border. My uncle drove me for more than two hours to Tijuana, Mexico. I must say I was pretty excited because I always wanted to visit Mexico.


So, that’s another country off my check list. Well, I’ll visit again, of course.


Tijuana is a bustling border town. It kind of reminds me of a cleaner Avenida in Manila. It was such a tourist haven. Shops everywhere. I was asked if I want to see girls dance. I just smiled and the guy asked if I want to see men dance. I laughed. I wanted to buy a poncho. Just like what Ugly Betty wore on her first day at work:


yo soy betty la fea en ingles That would have been a great poncho eh? But I only saw touris-friendly ponchos. I wanted to buy shirts and bags then I realized (a) I don’t have baggage space anymore and (b) I don’t have much cash on me. It’s ok, I was in Mexico to eat some authentic Mexican food and drink tequila!



This really reminds me of Manila. the streets are filthy. Hawkers everywhere. Hookers waiting for you in corners. Impatient drivers who switch lanes maniacally. Mexico, the second largest Catholic nation on earth (we’re number three or four) has a sex shop out in the open! I like the name, very apt.


Ah and some of the signages remind me of home and how English proficiency has sunk so low:



I think I got the idea what this one is trying to tell me. Well, you can’t fault the Mexicans for having mistakes in a gringo language. And the way the speak is the same way as those borderline histrionics I see in countless telenovellas. My really good friend back in college can copy the flaying arms and the shaking heads and the rubber-faced acting. This is how exactly a lot of the ordinary Mexicans I saw spoke to me. And I was just asking for the price of a luchador (wrestling) mask.



I wanted to puy some pinatas. My favortie was Disney’s Cinderella. I’d like to smash that bitch up. Perhaps in the Philippines, instead of burning effigies of politicans, we can use pinatas instead. I’m sure people would want to beat the sh*t out of the likeness of said politicians dangling in the air. Hey, there will be candy, too! So you get your political catharsis and eat some goodies! Not a bad deal!


If Manila has dyed chicks to sell on the streets. Tijuana has this:



It’s a whacked-up paint job on a poor donkey (or is this a mule?) to make it look like a zebra. And there are several of them. You get on the donkey and wear sombreros and smile for this really old handmade box camera. It’s surreal to see a contrived zebra standing on the corner. I did, however, want my photo taken with a “zebra” named BIMBO! But thought it will just be a waste of money.


What I like about tijuana is that it is an explosion of colors:



I saw really bright bags and other stuff with Frida Kahlo‘s poprtraits. I wanted to buy this crucifix decorated with bottle caps with the many faces of Kahlo. But I don’t know how to explain this one to the immigration officials.


I was being stared at most of the times as I walk down several streets in Tijuana. I was wearing one of my colorful shirts; so colorful it has more colors than a Kahlo painting. I heard some American tourists whisper, “Where did he get that shirt? I like that!” and even some Mexicans yelled out to me “Aloha!” They thought it was Hawaiian. It is not. But then a did my cowabunga sign and yelled back a line from Lilo and Stitch, “Ohana means family, dude!” wahhahahaha.


My uncle remarked that I look like one of them, the Mexicans. He added that I can blend well in South America. I reminded him that I was mistaken for a sumo wrestler in Japan. Hahhaaha. I think it is good that I can blend in a number of places. I won’t look like a tourist.


But this is what I was waiting for! DRINKING!!!! I ordered two Tequila sunrises for me. I thought it will be in a couple of small glasses with heavily diluted tequila. I was wrong:



I decided to eat before I drank. Because if I drank with nothing in my stomach, the alcohol will be absorbed faster to the bloodstream. I wouldn’t want to be drunk that fast. Besides, I want to enjoy a Mexican sunset.
But I had to taste some chips and salsa. Just one chip and one dip. When I shoved it in my mouth, it tasted like Mt. Vesuvius erupting. I had to drink something fast. I reached out for my tequila sunrise and drank a quarter of it. Bad move. Normally, I am a good drinker but the tequila just went straight for my brain. I was in “happy land.”


After I finished drinking my two tequila sunrises, I told my uncle I don’t want to be drunk in a foreign country and that I am heavy to be carried so I will spare him the pain and spare myself the embarrassment. But, man those two drinks just made me a bit tipsy that I wanted to dance with these Mexican ladies on the dance floor. they were throwing me suggestive glances and I just smiled back. I really wanted to dance with them despite the fact it was shakira blaring from the speakers. These ladies kind of looked hot and it was turning me on. If drinking tequila makes me a lesbian, then I better avoid it in the future.


The barkeep asked me if I wanted to ride the mechanical bull. It’s for free. If you ask my family, there is always a chance that I have an accident in each country I go to. Like I slipped in Atlantic City. I fell down somewhere in Tokyo. So, I am not risking of the possibility of broken bnones and torn articles of clothing by riding the mechanical bull.


That’s another reason for me to return here, hopefully with friends or people my age: ride the mechanical bull. It does not sound right to ride a mechanical bull while an uncle watches, right?


So, we went back to Los Angeles. On the way back, the traffic was crazy. We were in this huge highway with several lanes but we were crawling. My uncle said this was the bottleneck to get back to America. We were inching our way to the border guards. There are a total of 28 lanes but only about 12 were open, hence, the congestion.


Then I saw this huge electronic billboard that would show television commercials. I started to laugh like a drunk when I saw a television ad with Manny Pacquiao! It was for the boxing match with him and Mexican Eric Morales. It played on a loop. Can you just imagine, even several thousands of miles away from the Philippines, I see Pacquiao’s ugly mug? It IS a big deal for Mexicans, this bout. I obsereved that there are a dozen lanes with several hundreds of cars that trickle in back to America and the people in these cars get to see Pacquiao. AND this was on a weekday, ergo, the traffic will double during weekends and imagine the volume of people getting to see this boxer in action.


Kris Aquino, you’re nothing compared to Pacquiao.


I told my uncle how come there is no “Welcome” sign as we entered America. He said there usually was but it was strange that tonight there was none. Although I did catch a glimpse of the several-kilometer fence guarding American borders from illegal immigrants creeping in. I did see a traffic sign that I think it was unique to Ameica.


It was sign positioned as we entered the freeway to be careful. It was a sign of a family running together hand in hand. Drivers are told to careful for you might hit an illegal alien family running to America, escaping the border guards. I was so shocked to take a picture.


My uncle told me of stories on how a lot of people are literally dying to get in America. A couple of people freezing to death inside a refrigerated van. Little children fitted inside the car hood with a thin padding to protect them from the machine. People dying of suffocation in cattle cars. A woman being smashed to smithereens by an 18-wheeler truck.


Perhaps it was the tequila but it was most likely those sad stories that gave me a headache.


Oh well, today, I’m off to Las Vegas. No, I don’t know what I will do there honestly.



  1. Oh yes. You texted me with details on this trip of yours in Mexico. You owe me some drinks when you get back here… and dance with the tune of any Shakira’s songs!

    Joke! :p

  2. ay! que linda! pero donde esta thalia? naku, the first world is bagay sa yo. your writing is so much calmer and relaxed there. i’m afraid we’ll lose another bright mind to lady liberty…pero kung saan ka masaya suportahan ta ka!

  3. I was actually looking for Thalia posters and CDs! La-os na daw lola natin! si Paulina Rubio ang hot Mexican bitch DAW ngayon!

    I wanted to yell “Mari Mar AW!!!!!” in Tijuana but I might get beaten up by thugs and there were a lot of them.

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