Posted by: nastypen | October 27, 2006

This is Packing Crazy!

So, I’m back in New Jersey, my Uncle and I drank some beers last night.  I knew I was tipsy and decided to call in the night.  I knew I snored like crazy last night.  I am so embarrassed to face my cousins becuase I may have hampered their sleep from my night opera.

Ah well.

I have some days here before i fly to Los Angeles.  But being the good boy scout that I am, I started to pack my stuff.  I am horrified to note that despite my packing skills, the package that I have to deliver back in Manila occupied 1/4 of the suitcase.  So, I took a break and decided to blog.

Now, what to do?  Should I just conveniently forget the package in the room as I rush to the airport?  Or shall I just wear all 20 articles of clothing at the same time?  My boxers can be great headdresses.  Ah crap.  I hate it when this happesn and this rarely happens.  I am a good packer despite the mess I have in my cubicle.  I like to fit everything in the suitcase.  Now, my other aunt told me that she’s willing to lend me one of her suitcases.  Now, am worried about if I would pay excess-freaking-baggage.

Oh well. 

So my tranny aunt flew to San Francisco this morning.  I did not want to be left behind her New York apartment alone so I told her to drop me off to my other anut’s place in Jersey.  So, my tranny aunt is in San Francisco to be with tranny friends and to wow the crowd with her Halloween costume.

She bought a school girl outfit (if there’s a school on how to be a trashy tramp, then this would be their uniform) and I helped her find matching knee-high socks, and told her which pair of shoes would make her legs longer.

My tranny aunt called her tranny friend based in LA.  Let us call her Aunt Joyce because her internet handle leaves nothing to the imagination (LAnastyTV).  So, Aunt Joyce is a Filipino tranny and I saw the pics, boy, was she really nasty.  I asked my tranny aunt how aunt joyce looks like and she says Aunt Joyce looks like Filipino film villain Max Alvarado:


That’s him with that moustache.  So, just shave the moustache off, slap on a burgundy wig with bangs and make Max Alvarado wear French high-cut bikini with net stockings and 5-inch heels and voila — Aunt Joyce!

I am given my drag name by Aunt Joyce.  She calls me Chanda.  I like it because Chanda Romero is a good actress.

Chanda, baby!

Chanda Romero is one of those pretty faces that have substantial acting capabilities.  But, then again, I am called Chanda because I have a big Chan (stomach).  I prefer the Chanda Romero reason.

Aunt Joyce wants me to join the Halloween parade.  I tell her I don’t have a costume.  She says I can wear one of her costumes last year.  I say that her waistline is the circumference of my kneecap.  She said her costume last year was a gauzy skirt and nothing else.  I tell her I’m from the convent and that Mother Superior won’t like my costume.  Aunt Joyce says she came from the seminary when she was a he and collected sperm samples from would-be priests.

She said I should have a costume.  I told her I’d rather watch the parade and not be in it.  Aunt Joyce says she’ll take me to watch a movie also in West Hollywood.  I thought, great, I’d like to watch Volver or Borat or The Queen, till I found out that movie house was a sex spot for gays.  Aunt Joyce told me there are a lot of guys who like em chubby and soft.  Uh….I think I’ll pass that one up, unless I can just watch.

But I do want to wear a costume.  If only I can afford it.  I’d go as a baby, not with diapers, but in a pink jumper with bonnet and huge lollipop.  Aunt Joyce told me to go as an apple.  I thought it was a great idea.  I told her I’d print out a streamer and stick it on the apple.  The streamer would read “The Original Sin.”

I would be the apple in everybody’s eye!


I envy this bitch, at least she has a fabulous costume:

Do I make you Horny?

Woof, baby! 

Well, right now, I’m checking out the courses I’d take in the upcoming semester.  So far, the classes I’d like to be in are already filled.  I’d rather like to abuse University of the Philippines’ relatively affordable tuition, 300 pesos per unit, before the proposal to jack the tuition to 1,000 pesos per unit gets approved.

Damn, wanted to take an anthropology course on sex, but that’s filled and I’m sure it will be populated by giddy students who will blush when I tell them how butt plugs work and which brand of lubricant is the best.

Ok, now back to packing.



  1. Chong, dehins maganda ang anthropology of sex na class. Madalas pangit ang class composition. You are better off taking Linguistic Anthropology class, but check if Dr. Michael Tan is teaching. Pwede ka naman mag prerog e. That’s what I usually do even in grad school. Happy packing!

  2. I know, but I can only have Saturday classes. Oh well.

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