Posted by: nastypen | October 21, 2006

In the House of Sin

My plans have been thwarted again.  I was supposed to go to the Museum of Modern Art.  However, the weather had other ideas and it was my cousin’s birthday.  So, I had to motor to New Jersey for a party.

My aunt was all giddy because there is a Red Ribbon cake at the party.  Red Ribbon, to the uninitiated, is a brand of a pastry shop in the Philippines.  It opened its branch in New Jersey.  There was an insane line that snaked around the block just to get in.  Nothing beats nostalgia of an abandoned country to make Filipinos spend cash and queue up for an overrated cake.

So, we went to the party.  I got my clean clothes and ate some pancit for the celebrant’s long life.  Well, my cousin the birthday girl would rather watch the Click DVD than eat with us.  I went to the mall, by the way and my pupils dilated….DILATED when I saw a pair of converse with snow leopard prints!

This is the pair of shoes of my dreams….HOWEVER! 

(a) The pair was made of faux fur.  I wanted it just a print over canvas.  Walking around with faux fur in the streets of Manila is not an ideal situation.  My sister said I should use the pair for special occasions.  What, my wedding?  I’m at the point of my life when special occasions are a figment of my imagination.

(b) they didn’t have my size.  Damn it!  My feet are too small!  In Manila, my feet are too big for a pair of shoes that I liked.  Jesus, I’m not asking much.  I’m not asking for a billion dollars.  I’m asking for a pair of shoes that will highlight my individualism and campiness.  Oh well.  I did see a great pair of shoes that I might come back for.

So, after the party, my tranny aunt and I went back to New York.  On the way home, we stopped by a grocery store.  My tranny aunt quipped “Maraming guapo pumupunta ritoh!”  (A lot of good looking men come to this place!)

Well, it must be a slow night.  I didn’t see any cuties.  I did see a copy of one of my bibles Entertainment Weekly and shoved it in the shopping cart.  I saw a Time magazine special edition explaining the unexplained, you know, aliens and vampires….got to have that.

So, at the counter, my tranny aunt was whispering to me “Did you see that?  that guy was staring at me.”  she giggled but I was busy reading an article about Borat.  i also started packing the stuff in plastic bags.  If you belong to my family, the plastics are doubled.  this is for our massive collection of plastic bags that will serve their purpose in the future; be it a trash bag or a recepticle for shoes to be packed in a suitcase.

So, I wheeled the cart out to the parking area.  My tranny aunt just opened her hood as I heaved nine plastic bags filled with half a dozen softdrink bottles among other stuff.  I was wondering if this was my punishment for making her buy those magazines.

It turns out that my tranny aunt was flirting with a guy who was throwing stares at her in the cashier line.  She gave him her number abd she giggled.  I saw the guy and that he was cute, I have to say.  “He told me Argentinian!  Oh no!  Baka supot siya!”  (Maybe he’s uncircumcised!)  Then her pink phone rang and it was a guy she did the nasty with right before I came to town.

She was cooing and chortling like she was awash with rohypnol or some other date drug.  I could hear the guy and he had a nice deep timbre of a voice.  My aunt was telling him to drop by if he can.  She went on and on about her men.  Oh, and what men she has harnessed!

I am now blogging this using her laptop and, at one point, her aol account was all abuzz with messages from horny transexual chasers.  My tranny aunt is busy watching the ultra stupid Deal or No Deal.  So, I get to read these off the wall mating calls from men.

They would send photos of them in full erect glory.  send face pics and pleadings for y tranny aunt to heed their call.

In such a short time spending with my tranny aunt, I picked up some of ehr chat room lingo.

I typed such inanities like “cut or uncut?”  or how abut “are you muscular?”  (My aunt’s a msucle whore) and my favorite, “Are you generous?”

I wrote before that the transexuals, they are dubbed as “special girls.”  Man, when they demand, the men better offer.  Most of the time they do.  A transexual friend of my tranny aunt got a car with a bluetooth (what for eh?) from her rich gentleman caller.  My tranny aunt wanted to prove a point and she chatted with this guy.

The guy wanted to have a blowjob and my tranny aunt just asked “Are you generous?”  And he offered her US$80 for a blowjob.  80 bucks?!  that’s a weekly salary back home and my aunt CAN get it for just a few minutes’ lip sevice.  My tranny aunt demanded a hundred dollars and the poor man said he only had 80 with him.  My tranny aunt promptly closed the chat window with the guy.

My tranny aunt turned at me and said this is just one of the very cheap men she has to put up with.  But she is quick to clarify that she is no whore.  After all, this from a person who literally earned her breasts.  I wanted to tell my tranny aunt if one of her gentleman callers can upgrade her from her crappy dial-up internet.  I’m in New York for chrissakes….with technology from the mid 90s! 

So, when my tranny aunt is away from the computer, I get to play so to speak.  I preted to be her and chat with her collection of policemen, businessmen, firemen who are into trannies.  I get all these proposals that will make whores blush.

Then a lawyer sends me a link for his webcam.  Of course, i obliged.  I don’t have a cam and he showed off his goods.  It was a caucasian man.  He’s cute.  A bit pudgy and he is hung like an infant.  I was laughing like crazy at his feeble graplings of his tom thumb.  So, yes, not all caucasian men are endowed.   

I switched on to my phone sex worker mode and typed in stupidites like “Ooooh baby, you are so hot, autumn just walked out the door.”  wahahahahahahahah.  I cannot even be turned on because the situation is just too funny.  I’m sorry for pretending to be my tranny aunt.  But I just cannot pass this up.  It is one of those anecdotes that make a great blog entry, eh?

He was getting all hot and heavy and I was cackling like a witch.  I just wish I knew how to stream the video to the world but that would be downright mean.  haha. right as if.

I remember reading on how Truman Capote would handle when he was being yelled at by prisoners “Hey, faggot suck my cock.”  Truman would just say, “I’m sorry, I don’t snack.”

WAHAHAHAHAH.  I swear, my colored markers are bigger than the horny lawyer’s pecker.

AS I type this, I’m waiting for my tranny aunt’s “guest” to arrive.  She received a call from “Dylan” and he wants to be with my tranny aunt tonight.  My aunt mentioned that she has her nephew in the pad but “Don’t wory, honey, my pad is big.  He won’t mind.  Please buy some pizza for him.”

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh the absurdity of the situation!

Her pad may be big, but the walls are so thin.  Her upstairs neighbor once went down and banged on her door for a racket.  So, my tranny aunt just said “Everytime my men climaxes, I just cover their mouths.”

I know I’m the only person to have received such privileged information.

After this, I’m going o sit on the couch, wait for Dyaln, eat pizza and catch up with my reading.  My reading materials are my tranny aunt’s subscription of Playgirl magazines.  Hey, there’s an interview with that Aidan guy from Sex in the City.

How apt the invocation of Sex in the City as my tranny aunt readies herself to be hospitable to generous men.

My tranny aunt’s Samantha Jones.  I’m Miranda the lawyer with dildos.




  1. I want to be a special girl. The closest thing I’ve come to special these past few days was when I stood near a shopping rack with some hopia. Hmmm. We can sell special hopia in America! Er, can’t you wander to some of the Sex and the City locations? Seen any NY firemen? Please have your picture taken with them if you do. Tee hee.

  2. And yes. Still in bed and half-sick, half-well… I laughed my heart out! Ikaw talaga, Jose! Nakakalokah!

    I wish I’m there… we could have configured how to stream the video to our friends… wehehehe! It was some pre-bday gift… for making me laugh with this blog entry of yours. Ü

    Can I be Charlotte? :p

  3. […] No, I will not be posting them here. Those pics are not even in the internet jargon of NSFW (Not Safe for Work) but NSFL (Not Safe For Life)! Hey, but if trannies are your thing, you might see my tranny aunt in one of those personals website. I wrote about her machinations in a post last year entitled In the House of Sin. […]

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