Posted by: nastypen | October 20, 2006

Bored in NY

Can it be true?  To be bored at the center of the universe?  Well, I am, frankly.  Probably because I am hostaged to go to these shops that do not really register to my pleasure principles.  Ohhh….Saks 5th Ave….Ahh….LV…Oh, look, MTV’s global headquarters! *yawn*….Hey,Sephora make up….uhm……..boooorringgg.

Today, I had lunch in this posh retaurant dominated by rich white people.  I was with my tranny aunt.  I met up with her “friend” who invited another friend who turned out to be a classmate of mine during freshman year in University of the Philippines Diliman.  Small freaking world I know.

My tranny aunt’s friend, let us call her Venus, is one of those sad specimen of humanity.  She validates her existence by name-dropping famous and powerful people she knows here in NY and in the Philippines.  My eyes were glazing over by her caricaturish English sb-proficiency.  “Oh…I love South of France.  You have two thousand dollars? We go!  Nice there!”  and she rattled on about the nice hotel somewhere:  “I tell them I’m from out of country.  Never say I’m New Yorker.  They open hotel just for meee!!!  Not tell them I’m New Yorker.”  Big deal, I saw a bum on the street here talking to herself and she’s a New Yorker.  I thought Venus was a character from Stanley Kubrick‘s Full Metal Jacket…one of those “Me love you long time” prostitutes.

When she found out that I am into art, she bragged that she queued for the limited show of Gustave Klimt‘s The Kiss.  Only she said Klimt was “Sheeeleh.”  I corrected her because I love both Gustave Klimt and Egon Schiele.  She was promptly shut up.  But I corrected her with a smile.

So, I met up with a former classmate.  Let us call him Gappy.  He feigned ignorance as to if I graduated with him.  I just smiled and said he and I graduated at the same time.  The classmates I mentioned did not seem to register anything to him.  I mentioned my friends, who I know, are the best artists in our batch.  Gappy would just look up and think and nod.  That kind of irritated me.  Goes to show how the shallow get tunnel-visioned memories.

I wanted to say, “you MUST remember us….we graduated at the top of the batch.  You know, the group you didn’t belong to?” But I want to play nice in this lunch because I am just a freeloader.  Hell, I am not shelling out 20 dollars for a lasagna.  In the end, Venus the social climber and Gabby did not pay for the lunch but my tranny aunt did. 

I was told by Venus I should have lunch with her at the UN.  Yeah, right.  I told her I don’t have slacks with me.  She inSISted that I buy a pair.  I told her I’m here to enjoy New York and not eat with people discussing about North Korea.  I’m a traveller who likes comfort and not a suit up moron trying to climb the social and economic ladder.

Venus invited me to sleep over at her place because she lives “just five blocks away from the museums and shops.”  (Read:  I am rich and you can sleep on my couch.)  Oh, hell no.  She was telling me that she could get time off from her job and take me around and watch some broadway shows.

Oh hell no.  I want to watch broadway shows ALONE thank you very much.

It was a strained lunch.  But that did not stop me from cracking up jokes which even made Gappy laugh. He said I should tell him some more.  I’m sure he’ll just steal the jokes and spread ’em around to showcase his wit.  Please.

The highlights of the day is brought to me by riding the NY subways.  It was soooo unglamorous, i love it.  The stations stank.  The MRT stations in Manila are infinitely cleaner.  The LRT and MRT routes are so easy to grasp.  Here?  I take train M, get off at this station, climb up to train F, then get off and take trains A, C, or E to get to the 42nd street.

And that is one of the easier routes.

I don’t know why people almost kill themselves to work here and be called a New Yorker.  New York is something to be viewed in the television, movies and not to be lived in.  NY’s a place to visit and not to settle in. 

Oooh, I got to mail some postcards.  I have not mailed anything meaningful to my friends for YEARS.  It was a great feeling to be nostalgic and visit the post office.  I also bought the complete set of American Superhero stamps.  Wonder Woman is the head bitch, y’all.  

I saw the Naked Cowboy strumming his guitar in Times Square, the very center of the human-constructed universe.  Where else but New York can you make money posing with eager tourists wearing nothing but your white briefs and cowboy boots?  I as told to pose next to him.  I’m not an eager tourist here, I’m sorry.  At least not eager in that way.

My tranny aunt and I walked around uptown and we went to Rockefeller Center.  What better way to celebrate the dominance of consumerism but by paying homage to America’s noted technocrat?  My tranny aunt was flaunting her boobs at the policemen.  I just leaned on the ledge trying to find the wisdom of ice skating.  My tranny aunt saw a friend of hers.  She was teaching this boy how to skate.  She’s a Filipino who used to be a he.  Whoa, I have not been in the company of so many trannies in my life.

The skating instructor has no other job but this.  So, what does she do for the rest of the seasons?  How can she survive a place like New York?  My tranny aunt just arched her eyebrow and pointed out the Ferragamo shop and bewailed of her lost purse in Manila.  “That was an original,” she moaned.

This is New York and I am bored.

Maybe not for long.  I’ll take control of my sitution here tomorrow.

I’m just trying to watch Ugly Betty, the American version of the telenovella Betty La Fea.  I know of the telenovella but did not really watch it.  I just watched the American version because there’s a character here who is a 12-year-old gay boy who blurted out when he entered the fashion magazine and saw models, “It’s just like Top Model except no one’s crying.”  God bless, American television. 

See what boredom has made me do.



  1. Ugly Betty! The best ang iyang grand entrance wearing the Guadalajara poncho. Such a guilty pleasure.

  2. You are really bored. Receiving SMS from you and you watching Ugly Betty on the tube? You ARE bored.

    Didn’t I mention to you that if I decided to have a life there mine will simply be work-house-work-house… routine? Your sunt may have other life than my so-called routine because she has moolah to shop…

    Saks 5th.. Ferragamo… men! She’s a nurse there… right?

    And as for the skating instructor I won’t be surprised if he/she has other jobs.

    And as for the subways, yup! They have such confusing “lines”. Not counting how it change during weekends and if there is a line being fixed or under construction. I never told you this before you left in thought that you might kill me be screaming “thank you for telling me that”. I did got lost on the subway going back from Soho to Mid-Manhattan. If I didn’t asked I would have reached Coney Island without me knowing.

    Honestly, I cried because I was yelled at by my brother for not reading the Washington, DC map correctly and learned to read maps because I got lost in the subways and bus stations of New York. I walked instead.

    At least I didn’t call him up while he’s at work when I got lost.

    Oh, let me correct myself on the routine… work no.1-house-work no.2-house… or perhaps… work no.1-house-work no.2-house-central park or museums- house… on weekends.

    Though at times, come to think of it, my NY experience isn’t that mch of an adventure. I should go back (with you perhaps) when given a chance…


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