At last. I finally saw the official video of this song this millennium. Haven’t seen this in ages. I really love this song by Sinead.  Memories of the 90s….*sigh*

I think this one is most telling about that dogged notion of love which is ultimately about nurturing. I posted a video of her performing this before, but this video is just one of my favorites.

Check out the lyrics:

This is to mother you
To comfort you and get you through
Through when your nights are lonely
Through when your dreams are only blue
This is to mother you
This is to be with you
To hold you and to kiss you too
For when you need me I will do
What your own mother didn’t do
Which is to mother you
All the pain that you have known
All the violence in your soul
All the ‘wrong’ things you have done
I will take from you when I come
All mistakes made in distress
All your unhappiness
I will take away with my kiss, yes
I will give you tenderness
For child I am so glad I’ve found you
Although my arms have always been around you
Sweet bird although you did not see me
I saw you
And I’m here to mother you
To comfort you and get you through
Through when your nights are lonely
Through when your dreams are only blue
This is to mother you

*sigh* People like Sinead’s”Nothing compares 2 u” but this one is my ultimate favorite Sinead song….it’s so tender….sana mahaba rin hair ko sabay lampungan sa kama…..

Addie……

So I am perkier than usual because it is a Friday. I can’t wait for Saturday because I will do some art and have a photoshoot. Addie calls me to say I should check my mail. He sent me a photo. I opened my email at the faculty room and I screamed.

Addie said, he found this posted in one of my close friend’s facebook accounts. I remember this photo. Look. I was one-eight my current size, and I wore a cross, for God’s sakes!

Oh. My. Lord. I have not seen this photo for YEARS. Look at my megawatt smile! I did not know how to smile demurely. I must have been sniggering at the idea of us having a photo at a goddamn studio with that hideous backgound.

Oh…..brrrrrrr……..memo to myself, go home and seek these photos and burn them. I remember my mom screaming when she saw me burning a photo of the infant me shitting in my diapers. I did this when I was grade 6. My mom was exasperated asking me why I did it.

I couldn’t articulate the words “I want to leave a fabulous legacy of sparkling divahood and a photo fo me sleeping with shit in my diapers is not going to help!”

but first a musical interlude to celebrate me looking at my young self:

…that song, by the way, was a hit on the very year this photo was taken.

God, a studio pic. It’s so not glamorous. I prefer my photos when I was in college with two classmates of mine having nasal sex in front of me. Don’t ask.

Well, so, this is the day when the past is staring at me as I enter the final stretch of my 30th year.

Just recently, I was chatting with Livs, the guy beside me at the photo above in stripes, and he brought back fond memories. You see, some people keep tabs on their high school batch with questions like “How many lawyers do we have?” or “Who is a doctor now?” or “Who got married and has how many chidren?” and that awful, very low class question “How much is he making?”

Such queries are brought about usually boring heterosexual doodads. Such comparison via material achievement and marital conquests is so enervatingly stupid to me.

We are more inclined to ask “Who is in prison now?” or “Who commited suicide this time?” or “Who is the wife batterer now?” or “Who was ‘experimental’ with the gays?” And Livs once proclaimed, “Whoever is a tranny in our batch should be the best alumnus.”

Last time I checked, nobody in my batch can out-gay me. So, I told Livs “I’m sorry, Livs. I can’t be that tranny. I’m not scrawny fabulous. I’m not pretty enough for such an honor.” We did proceed on to point out some batchmates of ours who will make beautiful Trannies, you know….Pattaya beach-level beautiful Trannies.

Ah well. I guess my batch will disappoint in that regard.

I can’t even be a drag queen! I just love my beard so much. And last time I checked, I am pretty hirsute with the facial hair and not some like of my batch mates who attempt to have a goatee; instead they end up looking like a having a pudenda patch on their jaws.

Well, a girl can dream eh? I still dream that one day I am brave enough to sing one of the hits from the year the above photo was taken:

Can’t stop the flood, bitches.

Friends of mine have had some certain changes in their careers. One has had her work schedule reduced to this: she works for two weeks, then the company asks their employees to take a leave for two weeks. After which she and her officemates return to work for two weeks. This situation has had their salary cut in half.

Another one has had his company tell him and his officemates that their work week will be reduced from five to four days.

OFW friends of mine have been wringing their hands if they are next to go in their jobs.

It does not help that headlines scream “200,000 to lose their jobs.” The lords of capitalism and multinational companies have urged the would-be retrenched workers to seek out skills that may be utilized in some other fields, perhaps like welding.

I walk around Makati and the number of faces with this patina of fear have increased. I was waiting at the pedestrian lane and these two ladies are bickering. One said, “I don’t have a job for two months.” she was carrying a small pile of her resumes. After we crossed, the two went directly to Starbucks. Nothing says practicality like a Venti Frap.

Livs told me that even the super rich are feeling the pinch.  They are into this “secret shopping” sprees.  In which they opt to be less ostentatious and purchase luxury items worth a year’s salary of a middle manager in Manila and have it packaged inside boring paper bags, because it is not chic to flaunt your wealth this day and age.  Aaaw.  Pity the rich.

So the economy is in tenterhooks. To celebrate one of the major causes of this tailspin, blind consumerism fueled by credit cards, let us listen and watch this fabulous song:

I just had a movie marathon. It completely slipped by me that the Golden Globes are near and the Oscar nominees will be announced soon as well. So, I watched some films in my contrived free time. Because starting this Monday, my “free time” is as real as my anorexia.

I watched Milk.

Oh well, gay roles can be an Oscar bait. Sean Penn is good. Love Emile Hirsch’s hairdo and swish. James Franco makes good with the token concerned housewife role. I should be happy about this film considering it’s all about the first openly gay man in American public office but something is amiss. This is more a focus on Penn’s acting prowess than Gus Van Sant’s filmmaking.

I watched Frost/Nixon.

My absolute favorite of all Ron Howard’s films. They say it’s an “intellectual Rocky.” Hence, not a lot of people might want to watch this. I love you, Michael Sheen as David Frost. His smile is intoxicating. No wonder he is cast to be the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland this 2010. Frank Langella’s accurate portrayal of a bedeviled and beleaguered Richard Nixon is as disconcerting as his scene running naked in 1997’s Lolita. Langella is brilliant here. It’s a film built by words and focused acting chops of the cast.

Just watched these films slated for awards but I think it will just be glanced over:

I watched Towelhead.

Didn’t like it. Too bad it was helmed by Alan Ball, but the film was just a pulp of stereotypes and preachiness: the precocious teenager/outsider, the angry Middle Eastern father, the angrier WASP mother, the nosy hippie neighbor, the hot racist neighbor during the time of the first Gulf War. I never did like coming-of-age stories….much more for coming-of-age stories dipped in sex with a graphic depiction of used tampons.

I watched Blindness.

One reason to watch this ultra-miserable film: Juliane Moore. Despite being critically-panned for its overreaching machinations, I still think this film adaptation of Jose Saramago’s novel was beautifully shot. It was just too miserable, though. I mean can you imagine your loved ones waking up blind one day? And most of the world go blind except for you? This is just like the science fiction novel by John Wyndham The Day of the Triffids; the difference is, in Blindness, the monsters are fellow humans while in the science fiction novel, alien plants terrorized the blind. Juliane Moore is so dependable an actress, please someone hand her an Oscar already….but not for this film.

Will watch later:

Slumdog Millionaire. Plus Sides: Danny Boyle is the director, a vivd portrait of the city of Mumbai, no big name Bollywood stars, only credible actors. Negative side: no sweeping colorful Bollywood musical numbers.

Vicky Christina Barcelona. Plus sides: Woody Allen wrote this. I do love the soundtrack. Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem!!!! Negative side: Scarlett Johanson is here.

Now downloading:

Frozen River. Sparse filmmaking about two single mothers smuggling goods over a frozen river between Canada and America.

Defiance. I am sold with the idea of Daniel Craig with a gun, so I watch his 007 films. but this one is better: Liev Schrieber is his brother here. Both are Jewish freedom fighters. I love Liev and his cuddly chipmunk cheeks.

Will watch later at the cinema if I am not too lazy: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Simply for Cate Blanchett.

Wishlist:

Waltz with Bashir. A disaffected Israeli soldier comes to grip with his actions and loss of memory over a military incursion with Lebanon. Heavy stuff….plus it is animated.

How funny. As I watched, am watching, will watch these films, I am reading four books (Dead Until Dark: A Sookie Stackhouse Novel….mejo inaantok ako sa kanya…..From the Holy Mountain: makes me want to go to Turkey, Syria and Iran….Waiting for Mariang Makiling: Resil Mojares is my idol…..The Fairy Tales of Herman Hesse: took me more than ten years to finally secure a copy of this)

I think I should just close my eyes and listen to The Weepies: